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February 2, 2003

THE TORTURE GARDEN WLW, I'm wanting, needing, waiting for you to justify my text. I tried last night but I think I've got RSI.

OCCHAZARD THE WIZARD Why did Sarah Michelle Geller try to blame it on the Maybelline, when she was obviously born like that? Not a bad blessing to have to be honest though.

PURPLE PUNK WLW, When you look in the mirror what do you see? This morning a bleary-eyed tired face. Not pretty.

 

WAYS TO ANNOY PEOPLE

  • Phone McDonald's and try to make a reservation for that evening.
  • Phone random numbers and tell them that you are a friend of their daughter and want to stay with them.
  • Insist that Celine Dion is better than the Beatles.
  • Spend an entire weekend pretending you are R2-D2.

Flutterby

Arrange to meet people, hide, and laugh

AT THEM WAITING IN THE SNOW FOR YOU

 

A BRIEF POEM

Socks

Socks can be big
Socks can be small
Or you can wear
No socks at all.

Next time: Beans

Queen Niveus of Coolhaven

It's not the size of your socks

THAT COUNTS. IT'S THE COLOUR

 

TOP 10 FUNNY NAMES FOR THE WORD 'NOSE'

  1. Snout
  2. Honker
  3. Hooter
  4. Conk
  5. Snozz
  6. Proboscis
  7. Snozzle
  8. Noz
  9. Snorter
  10. Neville

The DimGirl (from the molehole)

Snot the best list I've ever seen.

COULD'VE PICKED BETTER

 

JUNK MAIL

In response to A Leprechaun Called Steve, I feel I must point out that the junk e-mails I get are even weirder.

Quite why a 20-year-old bloke should get an e-mail that reads "Are Your Breasts Too Small?" is beyond me.

Although having said that, I wouldn't mind going up a size or two...

Captain Spiky

I recommend Kylie's new lingerie line.

THE PICTURES ARE GOOD ANYWAY

 

MY BIG SPEECH

Ladies and gentlemen, boys and girls, tramps and their dogs, escaped madmen, aliens, police, firemen, ambulancemen, fruit, computers, human-killing doors, chocolate bars, WLW, Mavis, WLW Towers, Dr Who, the Volkswagen with a mind of its own from that weird film...

Thank you for listening to my speech.

Hamster The Gangster From Hamsterdam

You're welcome. It was listen to that

OR THE NEW DJ SAMMY SINGLE

 

MORNING WLW

I sometimes get the feeling that I am a schizophrenic, ie I have multiple personalities. But one personality is not aware of the other(s).

Sometimes, I say something, someone laughs, and then I have to ask what I just said, because I have absolutely no recollection of what I just said. And other people do not have to be present for this to take place!

Personality #16

Sounds like Jordan's been giving you

SHERRY IF YOU ASK ME

 

FOOTIE TEAM'S NAMES

Wouldn't it be great if football teams were named after their nicknames?

I mean, you could have: Arsenal Gunners, Ipswich Tractor Boyz, Newcastle Magpies and Tottenham Losers.

I reckon them names would give the American "soccer" teams a run for their money.

Sykopathik Mushroom

Spurs might actually top the

TABLE THEN FOR A CHANGE!