Mega-Zine
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January 17—18, 2003

DELUDED RESIDUE I made a duck out of sellotape once. It was quite good. But then I lost it. Story of my life... Try losing your glass eye...

THE HITMAN Does anyone else think that the Cheeky Girls should be enough evidence that GM Foods are unsafe. My mum always said touching bums would lead to all sorts of trouble.

TANGOED TOMATO I am bored WLW, are you? How did you know? Can you see my eyes rolling like eggs on a hill again?

 

AVRIL LAVIGNE

I don't know where I stand on the great Avril debate.

I mean, her music is intensely hummable and she is pretty easy on the eye (sorry Cariss!) but then again she looks like she's come off of a sk8er kid production line like a nu-metal Barbie doll.

And she's Canadian, which is always a bad thing — look at Nickleback...

Fluffy the evil one

Canada is the home of maple syrup

AND THAT SURE IS A GOOD THING

 

WLW

Is it not true that they say dogs are a man's best friend?

If this is so, why won't mine lend me 20 quid when I ask for it.

Some friend if you ask me. After all the free food I feed it, scratch its back, rub its tummy and so on.

Does Mavis lend you money when you ask?

The Artist Once Known As Exit, Now Known As Neville (By Deed Poll)

She lends a paw around the towers

AND TRIES TO PAY ME IN DEAD MICE

 

THINGS I MUST DO BEFORE I'M 30

  1. Win the Best Female Oscar and a Nobel Peace Prize.
  2. Brutally torture the Blazin' Squad, Ja Rule and Atomic Kitten.
  3. Marry Josh Hartnett, divorce him, then marry Orlando Bloom and finally marry Prince William or Harry. I'm not fussy.

Citizen Twiggy

Clearly not fussy if you'd have Harry

OVER ORLANDO. ELVES SPIN

 

10 REASONS WHY I HATE LISTS

  1. They're boring
  2. They lack imagination
  3. They're of no interest to anyone except the author, and not always them either.
  4. They're infectious. Everyone starts writing in lists.
  1. They never add up properly.

I shall soon be starting a petition to have them banned from 'Zine. Anyone want to add their name to the list?

Little Miss Anthropist

Pass me a pen Davord

WLW WANTS LISTS BANNED

 

WLW

I have a statement to make — I have ginger hair. To me it is no big deal, but others seem dead set on making it one.

I have decided that we gingers will be the butt of jokes no more.

I have decided to start a ginger army who will one day take over the world. Anyone who opposes us will be dealt with harshly.

Viva La Revolution!

Those Essex wives off the telly

BETTER RUN FOR GUCCI COVER

 

MY ROMANTIC POETS COMPARATIVE ESSAY

Tennyson's poem, The Eagle, has a bird what squawks a bit.

Blake's Poem, The Tiger has a cat what roars sometimes.

Wordsworth's poem, The Daffodils, has a yellow flower what don't make any noise.

I conclude Wordsworth was more wronger than the other ones.

Alf, The Unstoppable Sprout

He did have one thing going for him

WORDY. GRAMMATICAL SENSE

 

FIVE 'ARTISTS' WHO ARE ON THE RADIO FAR TOO MUCH

  1. Robbie Williams
  2. Robbie Williams
  3. Avril Lavigne
  4. Eminem
  5. Sophie Ellis Bextor

By the by, WLW, I just love how your comments are always perfectly aligned in the centre.

Flutterby

You should see how straight my tins of

BEANS ARE. IN ORDER OF SELL-BY DATE