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December 12, 2002

A LEPRECHAUN CALLED STEVE Oh wise and wonderful WLW, why is Mabel Mop Lady now blonde? It's an 'old lady' thing.

ALF, THE UNSTOPPABLE SPROUT If everything is coming your way, you're in the wrong lane. I seem to be permanently in life's lay-by.

MOG, GOD'S CAT WLW, do you know what's really shameful? Guiltily watching a naughty episode of Eurotrash and, about 30 seconds in, realising that you've seen it before. I share your shame.

 

GREETINGS ALL

At this moment in time, me and Samurai Hedgehog are struggling to think of a clever, witty and all round amusing e-mail to send in to our beloved 'Zine.

However, as we are both students, we are unable to do this and so I put foward this 'effort' in the hope that it will be printed.

May Santa bring you gifts from Tesco.

Farmer Jack

Santa had better be going to Tesco

VIA HARRODS, OR THERE'LL BE BOTHER

 

JUST A MINOR DETAIL

He rips his clothes off and changes into his lycra suit, right? Well, where exactly do his normal clothes go? He hardly has time to fold them neatly in a pile or leave them at his mums for safe keeping.

And how do the ripped shirts manage to have re-sewn buttons on them when he changes back? His mum perhaps?

Genius at Work

I have Hollywood on the phone —

WHAT WAS THE QUESTION AGAIN?

 

THINGS THAT CONFUSE ME:

  1. Daniel Bedingfield
  2. How did Daniel Bedingfield get a record contract?
  3. How did Daniel Bedingfield get to number 1?
  4. Why does Daniel Bedingfield speak in such a weird, high pitched voice?

The Young Upstart

Together, we'll get through this...

WE GOTTA GET THROUGH THIS

 

CHRISTMAS

As it is now December, am I allowed to send you festive greetings, WLW, seeing as you did not return my merry wishes back in October when I informed you that we had 80 days to go?

And NOW can I wear a daft halo?

The 12th Lemon

There is never a reason good enough

FOR THE WEARING OF A DAFT HALO

 

DISGUSTING FOODS

Thought I'd do my first list. This is disgusting foods which I have seen at work:

  • Hot Dog Balls (like those tinned hot dogs, but just little balls of them)
  • Tikka Mackerel (yes, the fish)
  • Prune Yoghurts (ideal for breakfast)

Making you hungry, WLW?

The Animal Of Farthing Wood

Suddenly, I've gone right off my

JAM AND GHERKIN BAP

 

CHRISTMAS

Am I pathetic for still being painfully excited about Christmas and going to 6th form? I mean come on, it's not entirely my fault.

The Common Room (how Harry Potter does that sound?) is covered in tinsel, complete with tree and frosted windows.

And every time I walk past I can hear Cliff Richard being played at a volume it was never intended to be!

*The One and Only Magical Me*

ps: Love the reindeer, WLW

Love the reindeer indeed — you seen the

MESS THEY'VE MADE OF MY DRIVEWAY?

 

AN UTTERLY DIVINE DEBUT

I'm sure you've all been wondering what my nomination for Best Song Of The Year is, well, worry not, this is my choice.

Their profound lyrics, attractive features and Mediterranean smiles mean that Las Ketchup's Ketchup Song is the musical highlight of 2002 — a wondrous, toe-tapping ditty.

Every time I watch the video, my adrenalin is certainly animated.

The Brigadier

If you ever get a party invite from

THIS MAN — YOU KNOW WHAT TO DO