Mega-Zine Museum: Letters

November 12, 2002

THE 12TH LEMON I have a new shampoo. My hair smells all funny. Er... that wasn't shampoo, that was loo cleaner.

AMMOPOGO Oh give me a home, where the buffalo roam... something, something, something. Home, home on the range, where the... er... And the skiiiies are not cloudy all daaaaaaay...

SAM GOT A SNORKEL So I said to her, "You can't buy bananas there!" Ha ha ha ha. Classic, no? Thank God I'm wearing a corset. My sides have split.

TOWNIES

Some kids in our school think an internationally recognised measure on intelligence is the ability to take apart and then rebuild an engine.

Here's an idea... how's about you leave the engine in its fully functional state and find a life?

I'm tearing what's left of my hair out right now.

Genius at Work

I agree wholeheartedly. Er...

PASS US THAT SPANNER, WOULD YOU?

DREAMS

Dreams

Only last 1-3 seconds
Never come true
Are always interrupted by alarm clocks

Icecreams

Last as long as imagination permits
Never come true
Are always interrupted by screaming teachers

So, 'Ziners, which is preferable?

Purple Punk

I think dreams where, when I wake up,

I'M STILL SNUGGLED UP UNDER A DUVET

DEEP BREATHS, COUNT TO TEN, DEEP BREATHS, COUNT TO TEN...

So, I travel halfway round the world only to find that every shop, farm restaurant and hotel is constantly churning out Avril Lavigne, Puddle of Mudd, Vanessa Carlton and Linkin Park.

Suffering from extreme stress, I return home... to discover Hale and Pace are appearing in the Bromley Christmas panto.

What have I done to deserve this? Whatever it was, I'm sorry!

The Despotic Banana

Appearing in what? Snow White And The

TWO INCREDIBLY UNFUNNY COMEDIANS?

HALF TERM

Over the past 16 years of my life I was led to believe that half-term was a time of lazing in bed, watching daytime TV and avoiding doing homework. Sadly, this year, my mum had other plans.

She decided it would be better to drag me and my surprisingly pleased sisters to a Pontins Holiday Camp, for five days of over-enthusiastic bluecoats and their stupid routines. I subconsciously learnt the ketchup dance!

The Way And The Light

Perhaps you could perform it now,

WHILE WE ALL PELT YOU WITH PAELLA

THE MYSTERY SOLVED!

I have discovered, after extensive testing, the answer to the question — why do people get a Big Mac, fries and a DIET coke? The answer is very simple... diet coke is much, much nicer than ordinary coke.

You get the sweet cokey goodness but without the feeling that your teeth are dissolving in your mouth as you sit there. Diet coke is the future... curse all you sugar-loving people.

That is all.

Pessimistic Peanut

Of course, we could eat fruit instead —

(PAUSE)... HA HA HA HA HA HA HA

WORLD OF PAPER DELIVERY

Part Uno: Evil Letterboxes!

Now I deliver the accursed free papers down my street, and one nearby, I have come to know (and hate) letterboxes in their many forms.

Ones that are right near the ground, ones that snap back and slice your fingers off, ones with small biting dogs behind them.

Letterboxes must be destroyed!

Bob Snitchet

Although this would hinder the actual

DELIVERY OF SAID PAPERS, NO?

6 REASONS WHY I HATE TEIGH
(near Wigan)

There are no attractive females
All the people here moan about the closing of the pits
It is full of S Club, B*ckch*t and So Solid fans
Everyone supports Man U or Liverpool
It has countless Everthing For A Pound and charity shops
Everyone speaks with an unintelligible accent

Dubya's Poodle!

So, if you're an attractive female,

LIVING IN TEIGH, WRITE TO HIM

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