Mega-Zine
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October 21, 2002

SCHIZONUMBER3 I know a girl called Lee-Ann Perrin... do you pity her? Is she from Worcester, or is that toooo funny?

DEVIL CAKE Focus, WLW, and be enlightened. Is this like one of those magic eye things? Where I see a dog, or a cat, or Dale Winton or something?

SATAN'S RUBBER DUCK We don't know who you are, WLW, but do you know who you are? Because, if you don't, you have a serious problem. My name is Will and I'm an undertaker from Cream. I think.

 

KIDS

I work in a nursery. More fool me, lots of snotty noses and smelly nappies. But I've learnt that kids are great entertainment.

When working with kids and talking about farm animals, you refer to sheep and cows as "moo-cows" and "baa lambs".

But, as one well-educated child of three told me: "Cows and sheep, silly, not moo cows or baa lambs. I'm not three, you know."

Funny, I thought that's exactly what she was.

Insanity Smurf

Bless 'em. Entertainment value,

BUT ONLY FOR 10 MINUTES AT A TIME

 

MUM'S SANDWICHES

There's only one currency that's worth dealing with at my school — my mother's sandwiches.

Each day, she lovingly fills them with a fine selection of delicacies, only for me to trade them for sweets, protection and even money!

Thank God for my mum. Fancy a sandwich?

Genius at Work

You really are a genius at work —

BUT LORDY, IF YOUR MUM FINDS OUT...

 

STUPID ADVERTS

  1. David Ginola in the L'Oreal advert — If Ginola is "worth it", then why have his last three clubs signed him on a free transfer?
  2. Beanz Meanz Heinz — No, beans are a small brownish-orange tinned product.
  3. That's Asda price — Well, of course it is if you're in Asda.

Why not just walk around barefoot and save the money?

Concrete Donkey

Just make a cuppa during the ads

AND DON'T UPSET YOURSELF, DONK

 

SPONGE BATHS

Doesn't it really annoy you when you run a nice hot bath, you climb in, and then CRASH... you've hit your back on the hard plastic.

My solution is to make a bath made from sponge, covered in a water-resistant material, like on a lilo.

C'mon, it'd be soooo much comfier, you'd stay in your bath all day! Unless you don't wash, but let's not go there. Who's with me on this?

Nerd Box

I put the idea to Davord, but he's

STILL LOOKING UP THE WORD 'BATH'

 

CLEANING OUT MY CLOSET

While suffering from complete boredom the other day, I thought I'd do a good deed and tidy my room.

Here were my findings:

  • a signed a1 single
  • my dad's old teeth
  • a poster of Hanson
  • Spiceworld: The Movie
  • a Take That badge

Worst of all... S Club Juniors' debut. Hmmm... sure mum bought me that!

Emma-the-lil'-Angel

I'm very concerned as to who or what

YOU USED TO BE BEFORE 'ZINEING?

 

HOW I LOVE PROVING PEOPLE WRONG

The Way And The Light — I'm afraid your "'Ziners can't dance" theory is about to be blown away as I, the Snorkmistress, one time regular on these wonderful pages am, in real life, a member of a prestigious London-based ballet school.

And moshing does count, so there!

The Snorkmistress

Never grasped ballet. All tippy-toes.

WHY NOT JUST GET BALLET DANCERS?

 

CUTE BLOKES

In random order

  1. Philthy Animal Taylor (Rock God)
  2. Tony Romme
  3. Dennis Bergkamp
  4. Hasan Sas
  5. Robert "Throb" Young
  6. Enrique Iglasias (minus tea cosy)
  7. Bobby Gillespie
  8. Mick Thomson (in his mask and boiler suit)
  9. Jan-Michael Gambill
  10. Erm... (soon to be my) Dave?

Lucozade Lover

"There's only one Dennis Bergkamp...

ONE DENNIS BERGKAMP..."