Mega-Zine Museum: Letters

October 18—19, 2002

SAMURAI HEDGEHOG Mmmmm... hats taste good. Especially stetsons. Big purple stetsons. Great with gherkins. It's berets with tommy sauce for me.

THE DUCK IN THE HAT Today, our assembly ran over by 10 minutes due to our principal talking for so long. The theme of this talk: punctuality! Silly ole duffer. Retire him, I say.

INSANITY SMURF A dash of pepper, touch of mint, hint of beef. Want some cake, WLW? Know what? Suddenly I'm full.

CRUMBS

I have finally worked out the secret of crumbs in the bed. It took me many years of careful research, but the answer is: it all comes from eating biscuits while asleep.

You wouldn't have thought something so simple could cause so much discomfort, would you?

The 12th Lemon

I wouldn't have thought it possible

TO EAT BISCUITS WHILE ASLEEP!

'ZINERS

So, in the news today, Pete Waterman tells us that Kylie's I Should Be So Lucky is inspired by (copied from) Pachelbel's Canon.

I spent (wasted) a whole term of music lessons playing that. Pachelbel's Canon, not I Should Be So Lucky, of course.

I'm sure (unsure) that there was a point to this e-mail. Somewhere.

moosesNOTmeese

Several of her other hits were inspired

BY ROTTING GARBAGE, I HEAR

THE MOON AND THE PRICE OF CHEESE

As a keen astronomer and dairy product fanatic, I've been pondering the possibility that the moon may very well be composed entirely of cheese.

After not much thought, I decided it probably is, but there is a Government cover-up to avoid the inevitable collapse in cheese prices and an end to civilised society.

Genius at Work

I think that, perhaps, somebody

HAS BEEN EATING TOO MUCH CHEESE

IF SINGERS WERE CEREAL (as promised)

Lemmy:	Bran Flakes (pure, unsweetened grit)
Axl Rose:	Coco Pops/Choco Crispies/etc (several replacements, same thing)
The Corrs:	Muesli (rottenly wholesome)
Gareth Gates:	Soggy Weetabix (amusing for a time, but in no way palatable)

Next: if guitarists were meat products.

Ammopogo

Geri Halliwell: Special K

TASTELESS, BLAND AND POINTLESS

POETRY CORNER

A poem for you all to gander at.

There was a person called WLW
Who drove a pink BMW
She/he said, "Look at me,
I'm as happy as can be."
And then it got scratched on the kerb.

WLW is probably blonde.

Bye bye everybody, bye bye.

Farmer Jack

Don't have a licence, I hate pink and

I'M NOT BLONDE SO... SO... THERE

HI Y'ALL

It's been ages since I last wrote in so I thought I might as well tell you how bored I am:

I wake up at 10.30am every day to watch Magnum PI at 11am.
I watch Ally McBeal for the storyline.
I have downloaded entire albums of songs as well as several music videos, 4 South Park episodes and 6 Scooby-Doo Mysteries.
I'm bored enough to write this.

Jezza

Oh dear — still no joy on

THE LADY FRIEND FRONT, THEN?

FOR THE BENEFIT OF SATAN'S RUBBER DUCK:

That half a cucumber barcode in full is: 0503 4222.

Other barcodes that may be of interest to you are large family pot of strawberries: 0643 0726... OK, that's all that I can remember.

Does that make me a bad checkout assistant? They let me go on the Lotto machine the other day, so I can't be that rubbish.

Oooh... aubergine: 8787. I breathe again!

The Way And The Light

Just 8787? Not another 4 numbers?

I CAN'T REALLY BELIEVE I'M ASKING

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