The Mega-Zine Museum
May 31—June 1, 2002
ANGELIC ENTITY I love filling up your mailbox in the evening so it takes all morning to read them! Does it look like I actually read them?
FLUFFY THE EVIL ONE Why don't they make diet Mars bars? Diet? Meaning what? Less sugar? Less caramel stuff? Never!
FAYZILIUM "Mr Sheen shines umpteen things clean"! How catchy is that? Just about as catchy as those hideous Halifax ads with that guy Howard. You know, he of the nerdy glasses.
BIG BROTHER
It's that time of the year again. Big Brother season is back. OK, let's see what we've learned from the past two years:
If you're a camp Irishman with the view that everything is "eeeeeeevvilll", or a Scouse builder that goes "eeeeh" all the time, you have a chance of winning.
If you are a tree-hugging hippy (I talk about Sada), everyone will ridicule you. If your name is Nick, Stuart or Helen... don't even bother.
Big Bob Flapper
Hard to pick a winner this time though,
ALL SO DULL AND SO IRRITATING
LIES
Is Pablo Marmite right? Does Sheffield have an older football ground than Northwich? Has Northwich tourist info been lying to me again?
They lied about Northwich being the capital of England, having the world's largest McDonald's and that Hollywood was just outside of town.
Why do people lie to me? I really should try to be less gullible.
Loominous Froot
You should, 'cos that's all rubbish.
YOU HAVE THE WORLD'S LARGEST KFC
AHHH, WESTLIFE!
Don't we all hate them? Well, I don't think one of us does!
You have probably not noticed (although obviously I have because I am writing this letter) that Big Bob Flapper sounds strangely like Westlife's new single, Bop Bop Baby!
So I think what we have here is a Bop Bop Flapper!
Jezza (In The Chilli Soup)
Either way, at least we can all agree
THAT IT IS ONE DIRE, DIRE SINGLE
TOP 10 NAMES FOR MY DOG:
- Bingo (his actual name)
- Bruno (his old name)
- Gringo
- Bongo
- Bongo Brain
- Bingo Bongo
- Mr Wags-a-lot
- Sir Barks-at-cats
- Lickytongue Waggytail
- Dog
Urban Hero
And you changed his name from
BRUNO TO BINGO BECAUSE?
SUNSHINE
(topic suggested by Milton)
Sunshine, sunshine
With sunshine, there is no need to pine
Sunshine, sunshine
To get this printed and put into Poetry Corner, I will now insert the following (and if this doesn't work, WLW knows about THAT piccy!)...
Arsenal, chocolate, cats.
XPhile2868
That piccy? Which piccy are we...
OH, THAT PICCY!
DUCK REPORT 2002
Following regular duck feeding in the local park, I can bring you some very interesting facts about ducks:
- Most ducks look the same, apart from Stef the Duck, who lives in our local pond. He has a mohican.
- Ducks will accept chocolate Wagon Wheels as a substitute for bread.
- If giving bread, they prefer the sliced variety.
Isn't that interesting?
Queenie Careena
Remember kids — feeding Wagon Wheels to
ICKLE DUCKS AIN'T BIG OR CLEVER
IRN BRU OUTRAGE
I was distraught the other week when I was in England.
I went into a local McDonald's and asked for Irn Bru with my Big Mac meal. The 13-year-old behind the counter laughed and said they don't do Irn Bru!
How can they not do that lovely orange Irn Bru in McDonald's in England? You need to get your priorities right!
Kilted Englishman
Let's see, my guess would be because...
IT'S HORRIBLE!
