The Mega-Zine Museum
May 30, 2002
ANGELIC ENTITY WLW, are you Graham Norton? 'Cos that would be so-o-o cool! And it would make so many things make sense! Ummm... like what exactly?
THE DIMGIRL FROM THE MOLEHOLE Is it OK for me to pronouce "'Zine" as "'Zyne"? Pleeeease? No, never, y'hear? Never!
HEWHOCANNOTBENAMED Do you think there's ever been a time when Clark Kent has taken his glasses off to clean them and someone's gone: "Look, it's Superman!"? Unlikely. Clark doesn't wear red pants.
COMPLAINING
The sun is shining, the birds are singing, I am wide awake... so why am I complaining? 'Coz it's five in the morning!
This always happens in summer. Call me mad, but I prefer winter. At least then my chocolate bars don't melt in my lunchbox.
Loominous Froot
There's a 5am? Like, the morning?
BLIMEY, I HAD NO IDEA
DEAR NICK
I'm afraid I have another problem. You may recall that I wrote in last time about my different-sized legs. Since then, I have attached a phone book to my left foot to even things out (sound advice, thank you).
But I have another problem. I haven't slept in weeks because... I've lost my eyelids. I just can't find the little beggars.
Should I go to a specialist or try to remove some of my forehead skin to replace them?
Troubled Bob Flapper
Shouldn't you be revising or something,
INSTEAD OF PESTERING THE LEGEND?
WHERE DID THEY GO?
Psychedelic Gloom, Plughole Fantasy, Jacobean Skate Punk, Dark Grey Wolf of Norbex? It'd even be good if the Possum made a comeback. I don't know where I am in 'Zine any more!
There's a posh ex-military bloke, someone with something to do with brandname cereal... but Fluffy's still around and now there's me. Yay!
On second thoughts guys, don't return or there'd be no room for me!
Rose of the Annexe
Good point. Wonder whatever happened to
PSYCHEDELIC 'PILCHARD BOY' GLOOM?
YELLO
Did anyone miss me while my hard drive was being destroyed by a horrible virus, therefore rendering me unable to communicate with the outside world? No?
Well, anyway, my fans can catch me in the upcoming Jackass movie alongside all my personal heroes, injuring myself and generally acting the fool in various ways. Or was that a dream?
Socialist Guerrilla
Just how long
HAVE YOU BEEN ASLEEP?
LUNGS VS ORIGINALITY
- Lungs enable us to respirate, originality enables us to put down the uninspired.
- "Lungs" has five letters. Five is a nice, round number. "Originality" has 11 letters. 11 is a bad number.
- Most can honestly claim that they have lungs, not everyone can honestly claim to have originality.
WLW, are you more of an originality or lungsy-type person?
1929
I border on originality, but can be
QUITE LUNGSY WHEN THE MOOD TAKES...
SUGARED VENOM
You worry me. Call me a traditionalist, but I don't think 15-year-olds should marry. Also, leprechauns have an ancient war with elves. That's basic history.
I am actually quite tall. Previous relationships ended when I stood on them.
As for the gold, ye can stay away from me wee pot o'gold, laddie! Or are ye a lassie? Who cares, as long as ye stay away!
A Single Leprechaun Called Steve
I thought the leprechaun/elf thing was
SORTED OUT BY THE GNOME OFFICE! NO?
IF 'ZINERS WERE...
I wonder why I never appear on these lists? Is it because I truly am unique, or am I being rejected by the groovy people I thought would accept me for the incredibly boring nonentity that I am?
WLW, will you draw me something? Please?
The Socially Rejected Little Silver Moonbaby
Here's my stab at Bruce Forsyth —
BIGGEST NONENTITY I CAN THINK OF
