The Mega-Zine Museum
May 28, 2002
SIR WHENCE PITCHFORK Spots... believe me, the worst place is far from your face! I should know, I'm doing GCSEs right now and that requires an awful lot of sitting down! Ewwwwwwww!
ANGELIC ENTITY WLW, can I ask you a question? Not that one, you can't.
HEWHOCANNOTBENAMED I used to laugh at people who said music encourages violence, but after hearing Westlife's new song, I'm starting to believe them! Bop Bop Baby... any ideas? Anyone?
DEAREST WLW
You know the way Davord is supposed to work for you? Well, what exactly does he do?
I reckon he:
- Makes the tea
- Is a wee dogsbody
- Helps with the comments at the bottom
- If you give him 20p, he'll dance around for 5 minutes
- Is Dr Nick
Was I close on any of them?
Big Bob Flapper
Not even remotely... I mean,
YOU EVER TRIED HIS TEA?
WLW
I have an idea to make 'Zine even more interesting! Let's compare highly delicious sandwich recipes! It'll be hilarious, trust me!
Now, my best sandwich is low-ish in fat and suitable for vegetarians. What is this wondrous snack I hear you cry? Lettuce, beetroot, cheese Ritz crackers and salad cream! It's great, honest!
You strike me as a cheese and pickler, y'know, full of contrasts and stuff.
Secluded Rainbow
Well, whatever it is,
IT DON'T INCLUDE BEETROOT!
MINI MOBILES
One day mobiles will be so small that you could swallow one if you're not careful. Then, when someone calls, your stomach would sing and all the people in the queue at Boots would stare at you and you couldn't answer it!
Wouldn't that be embarrassing?
Loominous Froot
More embarrassing than owning a mobile
IN THE FIRST PLACE, YOU MEAN?
MORE THINGS CARTOON CHARACTERS CAN DO THAT WE CAN'T:
- Wear the same clothes for years.
- Survive gunshots to the face, cars running over them and pianos landing on them.
- Fight with each other and then be pals the next day.
- Run on the spot before running away impossibly fast and then screech to a halt.
The Cat's Underwear
Run off a cliff and stay motionless for
A FEW SECONDS, BEFORE PLUMMETING!
'ZINE RELIGION
I suggest 'Zineism or The Church of 'Zine, as names. We shall hold prayer meetings every Saturday, since there's no 'Zine that day and we can give thanks for Galaxy ice cream and Fanta (lemon of course, for WLW).
All are included in our church, except maybe Golden Bun and B**kch*tters.
We can wear black and hand out leaflets on the street!
Fluffy The Evil Priest
We have to include Bun — no elitism!
B*CKCH*TTERS IS A DIFFERENT MATTER
IS JEZZA POSH?
Having taken the time to ponder this, I have come up with the following: Yes — Jezza is posh because he has a garden the size of a football pitch, talks all posh and lives somewhere so remote that there are no street lights!
But Jezza is not posh because he wears loud shirts, has a messy bedroom, likes Marmite and used to live in Brixton.
Confused. As am I now!
Peppermint Patty
We all like a bit of posh now and then.
MAKES A CHANGE FROM TRISHA, I SAY
THE 'ZINE IQ TEST
- Complete the well-known 'Zine names:
——— Brigadier
——— With The —————— Bun
Fluffy The ———— One - If three trendies wrote to B*ckch*t about So Solid Crew, how much would WLW get annoyed?
Give yourself 5 points for every correct answer, multiply that by 14000, and thus — your IQ is determined.
The Chicken Who Crossed The Road
Ooooh, this is hard, hold on...
SOMETHING BUN... SOMETHING BUN...
