The Mega-Zine Museum

April 17, 2002

JEZZA D'you think the Brigadier listens to the music played on Ground Force? Or did he write it? Who knows and who cares frankly? Frankly? Not me.

KELLOGULATION West Ham are seventh. What's that about? But, by the time you print this, they'll probably have been relegated, made bankrupt and shipped to Qatar. Nope, still seventh. Weird, huh?

UNEDUCATED SHAMPOO The worse spoons have to be those plastic medicine ones. What a poor excuse of a spoon! Er... OK!

'ZINE OSCARS

Hosted by Big Bob Flapper

Now, to end, we will have WLW writing a comment. Take it away, WLW.

Big Bob Flapper

Sadly, Mavis can't be with us tonight,

SHE'S FILMING, SO ON HER BEHALF...

PAINTBALL

At the next 'Zine meeting, wherever it is, we must NOT go paintballing. I experienced first-hand that the nation is full of trigger-happy, mad psychopaths who feel the need to shoot each other repeatedly.

More worryingly, these arenas are frequently run by crazy ex-army men dressed in full combat gear who try to pass this activity off as entertainment.

NinjaCow

Quite right. So what do you suggest?

HOW 'BOUT A NICE GAME OF BRIDGE?

GREETINGS IN A POEM

I am a clown, posh and kind
Can move objects using my mind
That second line was a lie
But I can cover your face with a pie
I'm off now to juggle some trees
Here, WLW, have some cheese

*sniff* I'm proud of that.

Posh Clown

And you would be proud of that

BECAUSE...?

WLW

I think you are my brother. Either you are or Bob Flapper is, as my brother's name is Bob. Maybe WLW is Bob in some sort of code, where B becomes W and O becomes L?

As you are a great artist, up there with Leonardo and Michelangelo, wondrous mutant hero turtles that they are, could you please draw me some cheese? It's for my cat.

The 12th Lemon

This is the best I could do —

MY REGARDS TO YER MOGGIE

HELLO AGAIN

Did I miss anything during my 10-day holiday in Dawlish Warren, Devon?

In case you're wondering, it contains few daytime activities. You have to walk to nearby Dawlish for eclectic shops and the fabulous Tilly's Tea Rooms fruitcake.

But the Kaleidoscope Club is unmissable at night, with silly party dances, filthy jokes, talented staff and the world's best keyboard player. I came third in the talent show again, singing Get Here! Not bad!

Sapphistication

Blimey — talk about

LIVING LIFE IN THE FAST LANE!

APPLE FOR THE TEACHER

I just want to protest about the number of letters on 'Zine sucking up to WLW.

Whilst it's blindingly obvious that Tottenham fans are a bunch of mindless thugs who support the worst team in the country and that Arsenal fans are all intelligent people with excellent taste, there's no need to keep mentioning the fact!

By the way, WLW, I think Arsenal for the title this year. Man United who?

The Despotic Banana

Heavens above —

HOW DID THIS ONE SLIP THROUGH?

WLW

The average 'Ziner has 16.607558762 characters in their name. However, there is a standard deviation of 8.6444639108. I also worked out a mean and standard deviation for each initial letter:

'Ziners beginning with 'X' and then 'S' have the longest names. These means have a standard deviation of only 2.7432260134.

The standard deviation of the standard deviations is 1.9794225056.

Sir Whence Pitchfork

Nope, sorry, lost me after

"THE AVERAGE 'ZINER"

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