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March 31, 2002

AL THE AFRO TAMER The time has come to stop hiding under your parents' coffee table. The world is safe again, there's no need to panic... Afros are back in fashion! Where's my Afro In A Can?

THE EDUCATED WOMBAT My local music shop made a huge mistake — it put Westlife under the title of MUSIC! My, how I laughed. Boycott the place, I say.

SATAN'S RUBBER DUCK It's 6.23 in the morning. What am I doing up? There's a 6.23 in the morning as well?

 

IF 'ZINERS WERE UNDERWEAR

Fluffy The Evil One —
Lilac bloomers, big and camp

Golden Bun —
The novelty ones that aren't funny

Bob Bob the Bob —
The ones that have disappeared

Broccoli —
Designer panties

WLW —
Y-fronts

My first list. How proud am I?

Bob Flapper

Y-fronts? Y-FRONTS?

WHAT COLOUR?

 

WLW, YOU ARE A MAN!

I was listening to my radio yesterday and it was top 10 things that men lie about... and number 6 was their gender!

Come on now, come out of that closet and admit that you are male. It's either that or you are gay.

Now, draw me a cow for my blackmail ransom.

Cow In The Shed

Either male OR gay?

WHO ELSE IS CONFUSED BY THAT?

 

AN APOLOGY

Over the years, some readers may have got the impression that the band Steps were rubbish, possibly due to letters headed "Steps are rubbish".

Since their split, however, we now realise that they were surely one of the greatest bands of the last century and their songs were actually a sophisticated, ironic comment on the state of British music today.

Yes folks, our mistake truly was a tragedy!

(cue hilarious laughter for last pun).

The Despotic Banana

I, for one, am a deeper shade of blue

SINCE SAID TRAGEDY

 

HERE'S MY TOP 10 THINGS EVER:

  1. Mullets
  2. Thundercats
  3. WLW's sarcastic comments
  4. Pies
  5. Foo Fighters
  6. Carmen Electra
  7. Louis Theroux
  8. My name
  9. Gnomes with ginger beards
  10. The Brigadier

What's your favourite thing ever, WLW?

Bodkin Nasty

Well, Arsenal beating Spurs, obviously,

AND SUNSHINE AND FUSE BARS

 

POETRY CORNER

There isn't nowt more beautiful,
Than a blue summer sky,
A few clouds don't spoil it,
Diddly-diddly-aye.

From this poem,
it's plain to see,
I love the summer sky, me.
In a summer field is where I like to be
Diddly-diddly-dee.

1929

Lovely. Now, where did I put

THOSE HOLIDAY BROCHURES...

 

WLW

Today, I went down to the lovely local shop just to buy a book of 1st class stamps, as you do.

I merrily wandered in, had a quick look found, made my purchase and started walking home. Now, this is an easy everyday task so, can you please tell me, why did I buy a jar of lemon curd instead of stamps?

Something must be missing in my life!

Uneducated Shampoo

Well, yes —

LEMON CURD!

 

DEAR WLW AND ALL OUT THERE IN 'ZINELAND

Did you know that April 12 is International Hat Day? Seriously!

It was a failed marketing ploy by some hat company over a 100 years ago. I say we make everybody wear a funny hat on the 12th.

Just think — headwear all over the place, it'd be madness, I tell you!

The Fretful Porpentine

Well that Pope wannabe is OK then —

THINK I'LL GO FOR A BERET