The Mega-Zine Museum
March 24, 2002
LOOMINOUS FROOT IThink
SATAN'S RUBBER DUCK My Motto: Never underestimate the power of stupid people in large groups. Particularly if you happen to be at a Slipknot concert.
JEFFERY PIG I don't have feet, or toes, or flippers, or paws, or claws — I have piggy hooves! Not trotters, piggy hooves... sounds much better! I'm pleased for you. Really. I'm president pleased of the Pleased people.
COLLECTIONS
Here are some collections that I have built up over the years:
- Badges
- Model cars
- Empty Pringles tubes
- Comic Relief red noses
- Comics
Now, wasn't that a fascinating insight into my life? By the way, if anyone has a spare red nose from a few years ago, the one that changed colour, let me know. My life is incomplete without it!
Skutter Bob
I would say you need a hobby, mate —
BUT PERHAPS NOT
ADVERTS THAT MAKE ME WANNA HURL WATERMELONS AT THE TV
- Any Argos ones
- MacDonald's ad with the clown and the two little lemon children singing
- AOL ones
- The new OXO family
- Hello/OK/Heat magazines
- Them really depressing Guiness ones
- Lloyds TSB with the Corrs... aaarrggh!
Sugared Venom
Altogether now...
"WHAT CAN I DO TO MAKE YOU LOVE ME"
WOW!
My heart pounds softly, the throat feels dry, the butterflies begin to flutter in my stomach. I begin to cry out but only a hoarse, guttural noise fills the room.
Suddenly, air bursts into my lungs and an ear-piercing scream of joy rings out through the house. I love remembering the first time I was printed.
The Man With The Golden Bun
And I still get that same tingle when
YOUR E-MAILS ARRIVE AT THE TOWERS
SUPERMAN'S SOUL-SEARCHING SUPER SHOWCASE
Being the strongest man in the world doesn't mean I'm not in touch with my artistic side. To prove it, I have penned a simple haiku:
I am Superman
I live in Metropolis
I can fly and stuff
Hope you liked it.
Superman
All that saving Lois and the world,
YET STILL TIME FOR A QUICK HAIKU
SCIENTIFIC ADVANCES
In this great world, we have sent man to the moon, found vaccines for deadly diseases, stopped the September He*r'S*y tour, but one issue still has to be resolved, other than yogurt lids.
We still have to find a toilet roll that lines up! You wouldn't think it to be such a tricky task after everything else, would you?
Black Widow
You wouldn't, no. The times I've had
THE SEWING MACHINE OUT!
FAKE 'ZINERS
WLW, "you" have posted on The Vegetable Revolution 'Ziner e-group again, wishing us a happy first anniversary.
I just wondered if this, and the other two times "you" have posted, are actually you or an imposter? What with the fake "She Who Lost The Plot" and everything, you can't be too sure though I'm pretty sure that I am Fluffy... I think.
Fluffy The Evil One
A year? Already? Well, it wasn't me
BUT HAPPY ANNIVERSARY ANYWAY, CHAPS
RALF WIGGUM
No! Mullets are EVIL! One day, I accidentally clicked on a link on the Net which brought me to mulletjunky.com.
There I was, filled with terror when I witnessed Femullets — women with mullets.
Aaaarrrggghhh!
Queen of the Troubled Teens
Or... how do you 'accidentally'
CLICK ON MULLETJUNKY.COM?
