The Mega-Zine Museum
March 18, 2002
BOB FLAPPER If cats are so great, why don't they have jobs. And why do they go out drinking every night and destroy everything in their... I'm thinking of Spurs fans, aren't I? I think you are!
QUEEN OF THE TROUBLED TEENS WLW, which is it — ping-pong or table-tennis? Let's say ping-pong for comedy value.
MS JANE LANE Marks and Spencer: How can they stock 16 different styles of cufflink and yet not one single cravat? And you want a cravat because...?
JOB SWAP
WLW, have you ever thought of swapping jobs with Dr Nick? It would be great.
You could answer all the problems with funny, sarcastic comments and Dr Nick could be sympathetic and offer psychological help to the writers of some of the weirder 'Zine letters.
What do you say, WLW? Best idea ever?
Marigold In Bloom
Careers Adviser
No, clingfilm —
THAT WAS THE BEST IDEA EVER
WLW
Can you please print this for me on March 17? Not only is it St Patrick's Day, it's also my birthday.
I was hoping you might excel yourself and draw me a leprechaun, but I'm not fussy. A pint of Guinness will do.
Grillamo
Oooh, pint of Guinness — far too hard.
SHAMROCK DO YA? SORRY IT'S LATE!
ELVES ETC
We all know what an elf is. A small person that works in Santa's workshop.
So, why are the elves in Lord Of The Rings big, tall people, with bows and arrows? And what happened to Santa?
Toddy
He wanted too much money, apparently...
AND CHRISTMAS OFF
GOOD BRUCES
In response to good Bobs, I have made a list of good Bruces. Please note that boredom inspires pointless things:
- Bruce Springsteen
- Bruce Lee
- Bruce C (Me!)
- Bruce Forsyth (good game, good game!)
- Bruce Willis
- Robert The Bruce (does that count?)
The Grey Man
Aaaah, good old Brucie Forsyth —
KING OF THE DODGY SYRUP
'ZINE CRUSHES
Everyone seems to be declaring their 'Zine crushes, so I'll be brave and declare mine. My crush is on the one-and-only Snorkmistress.
I cannot put into words how much I adore her. If she's printed, I leap around the room, making the dog bark. If she's not printed, I go to bed and cry.
King Of The Telegraph Poles
You got it bad, haven't you?
LET'S SEE WHAT SHE HAS TO SAY
CREME EGGS: HIDDEN HORROR
The greatest chocolate treat ever is the Creme Egg. However there is a hidden danger — the stickiness factor.
I've found that two in five eggs has the centre's residue on the outside, sticking the foil to the chocolate. You then spend 20 minutes picking foil off. When you think you've got it all, one piece suddenly appears!
Help stamp out this evil. First sticky foil, then Ryvita!
Undeniable Me
Yes, Ryvita!
IT'S JUST PONCIFIED CARDBOARD!
ALL 'ZINERS
I've just enjoyed a glass of port in the Brigadier's swimming pool. It was 3am and he was playing some great songs on his ukelele.
I sang along and he told me I could easily be the next Will Young. He's now my friend.
I'm going to invite him to dinner next Thursday. Where should I take him?
The Apeel-able Cheese Girl
Somewhere where nobody knows you —
PERHAPS BOLIVIA?
