The Mega-Zine Museum
March 14, 2002
SHE WHO LOST THE PLOT Having an imaginary friend is fine, it's when that friend starts humming The Flight Of The Bumblebee that things start to go wrong. Annoying in the extreme.
AZHAG THE SLAUGHTERER Is it just me, or is the true personification of evil Walt Disney? All together now... "Whistle while you work..."
BLACK WIDOW Have you ever tried to lick your elbow? Go on, try it! One moment please. OK, tried and failed.
THE WONDERS OF DANCING
Now, I'm a lad. Not a very laddish lad, in fact two tests have proven that I'm a woman and I'm very feminine! But I didn't know how much fun dancing was until I went to my friend's house the other day and her, her friend (also female) and I sat and watched TV.
We put Reel Big Fish on really loud and just danced about. It was so much fun!
I advise everyone to do this at least once a day. It'll make the world a better place!
Frank The Potato
I have to listen to Reel Big Fish
ONCE A DAY? NAH
A MARVELLOUS DAY!
On March 5 2002, at 1600hrs, I switched on my TV with a faint glimmer of hope that I may be printed on 'Zine which I had worshipped from afar for many months.
Oh joy! There it was — page 7/8! Me! Although sadly, it did take my obsession with the Brigadier to get me there.
I'm nearly up there with household names such as Fluffy and the Brigadier!
Temporarily Insane II
Not quite up there,
BUT IT'S A START!
ODE TO A MISSING 'ZINER
Oh PC Stu
Where are you?
I've been looking all over
Even gone to Dover
I really hope you're still alive
Because you'd really like the Hives
I think this puts anything else in Poetry Corner to shame!
Monkey Gone To Heaven
Obviously, too much crime out there
KEEPING STU BUSY DOWN THE STATION
IF 'ZINERS WERE MUPPETS:
Satan's Rubber Duck — Oscar the Grouch
Caged Liberty — Miss Piggy
Skutter Bob — Animal
Galder Weatherwax's Hat — Beaker
Last Splash — Elmo
Me — Bert
And what would you be, WLW?
Queen of the Troubled Teens
What was the name of that dog?
THE ONE THAT PLAYED THE PIANO?
MY HAIKU
My watch is so great
It tells the time superbly
Oooo, I love it so
And before you ask, WLW, yes you have permission to print it. It won't cost you anything this time, but it might when I become Poet Laureate next year.
The Man With The Golden Bun
You know what? I'm prepared to bet
THAT YOU'RE NEVER POET LAUREATE
MY FAVOURITE THINGS:
- The word "pop"
- The band Muse
- The football club Norwich City
- The city of Norwich
- The Twelve Bar Club in London
- The World's End in London
- Birthday cakes because it usually means it's my birthday and I get to eat cake.
How about a picture of Matt Bellamy in a Norwich City shirt?
The Talented Mr Kipling
Whoa there! Matt Bellamy?
I COULD JUST ABOUT MANAGE A CAKE!
GERMAN SHEPHERDS
Why is there a breed of dog called German Shepherd? I have observed this species and so far, none have displayed shepherding qualities or spoken a word of German.
Does this bother shepherds in Germany? Do they ever get mistaken for the dog? Who was it who saw a big dog and thought: "Hey, that looks kinda like a shepherd from Germany"?
NinjaCow
I shall investigate this further —
WE JOLLY WELL NEED SOME ANSWERS
