The Mega-Zine Museum
March 5, 2002
GALDER WEATHERWAX'S HAT 'Zine anthem, is it? It's got to be Someone Keeps Moving My Chair by TMBG. I mean, it's just got to be. Why wouldn't it be? Because... er... actually, I can't think of a reason.
SECLUDED RAINBOW Say hello to 1929 for me. He is very polite and taught me all about hippos! How nice is that? Very!
BLACK WIDOW I just made a Cup-a-Soup in a bowl. Aren't I a rebel? As rebels go, we're not talking Che Guevara here.
WETHERSPOONS,
I work for my local Wetherspoons pub so, WLW, if you are ever in Wolverhampton, pop in and I'll give you a free pint of cider since you like it so much (just don't tell my boss).
I do about 40 hours a week, so I have more cash but less time to e-mail 'Zine and think of ideas, which explains my downturn in appearing recently.
Fluffy The Evil Barman
Go anywhere for free cider, me —
YES... EVEN WOLVERHAMPTON!
FOOD TECHNOLOGY
What's the point? In the two years I've been doing it, all I have learnt is that my teacher is like Anne Robinson and that it makes you hungry.
I made some chocolate cake though. Please could you draw me a pic to stick on my coursework?
Lilac Leopard
Great pic, huh? There's a sort of
FONDANT FANCY THING GOIN' ON
AN IMPOSTER IN OUR MIDST
Fellow 'Ziners, I am not from Barnsley, no matter what you may think. I have never been anywhere near Barnsley. I have never been to any 'Zine meeting (sorry people) and my name is not Fay or anything similar.
And I still find myself strangely attracted to Michael Palin... oh wait, hold on, that's not relevant, is it? Whoops!
She Who Lost The Plot
Certainly not relevant, thank you!
SO... WHO'S THE NAUGHTY FAKE THEN?
OH, THE POSSIBILITIES
I had a dream the other night and, more to the point, it's one I can share with you all.
I dreamt that I was stuck in this old farmhouse with Grillamo, Monki, Savage Cabbage and Dot Cotton and... well OK, maybe I can't tell you what happened, but it did involve a bus.
Uneducated Shampoo
The mind boggles — perhaps it is best
KEPT TO YOURSELF, EH?
NOTHING I DO IS MY FAULT!
I'm the product of a malevolent society — brought up to an alarming degree by McDonald's and Disney — who has no concept of right or wrong.
The world is conspiring against me, to vilify and humiliate me. Besides, I didn't know that the old woman and her poodle were there at the time... honest Guv!
Fat Sloper Action
You realise that poor woman can never
EAT FISHFINGERS AGAIN, DON'T YOU?
WLW,
It has come to my attention that I have developed a strange obsession with the Brigadier. Each day, I sit down in front of the TV and turn to p142 with the hope that the wonderful Brigadier will have been printed.
If he has, then I jump around and sing with joy. If not, I sit in a corner eating chocolate cake.
Is there a cure? Somebody must be able to help!
Temporarily Insane II
Frankly, sitting in a corner eating
CHOCOLATE CAKE SOUNDS DELIGHTFUL
WLW,
Afraid I can't come to the latest 'Zine wedding. You see, it's on a Friday and so is the Debating Society, which I couldn't possibly miss.
All the filthiest minds in my school go there and it's a dirty joke a minute (and that's just the staff). Also, the lad who organises it supports Blackburn — a joke in itself which gives me ample chance to gloat about how much better Chelsea are doing.
Sapphistication
That would be the same Blackburn
THAT JUST WON A CUP, YES?
