Mega-Zine
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February 24, 2002

ONYX Hey, who do you reckon: Alf Stewart or Frank Butcher? Alf Stewart, any day.

SATAN'S RUBBER DUCK I am a duck, I am not a chicken. So you'll never catch me using fowl language. Thank you! My name's Satan's Rubber Duck, you've been a great audience, I'm here 'til Monday.

ANTITHESIS WLW — I've been labelled by my history lecturer as a deviant conformist exhibitionist! What do I do? What do I do? Switch to needlework.

 

ODE TO THE SLOTH

Lazy you may be
Climbing up your tree
Sleeping happily
As cute as can be
Your toes, you have only three
WLW, can you draw a sloth for me?

Drawing of a slothy-looking koala.

Pondering Sloth

Rather more a koala, but hey —

BETTER THAN NOWT!

 

WLW

Whilst perusing B*ckch*t, I came across a letter from a Depeche Mode fan to which the Ed replied: "Dave Gahan, what a man". This means that you now have something in common with your arch-rival and would appear to present a serious problem.

Do you suddenly love Westlife? Has your mobile phone taken over your life? Have you bought a tracksuit? Now who do I write to?

Mind you, respect is due to the Pixies fan who also wrote in.

Misfit

He's sooooooo copying me — he'll have

A CAT CALLED MAVIS NEXT

 

LOOKALIKES

Savage Cabbage, do you really look like Adam Buxton? Honestly? Seriously? Can I marry you? Please?

I'll be a great wife. I have many good points. I can play both the classical and electric guitar, I have really cool naturally curly hair that you can ping, I have two cats and love chocolate.

I'll do anything you want. Please? I'm sounding a little scary and desperate now, aren't I?

Chocolate Covered Beatle in Wonderland

Er... just a little.

RUN SAVAGE... RUN TO THE HILLS!

 

A LIST OF GREAT BOBS:

(sorry, but Fingerbobs doesn't count)

  1. Bob Dylan
  2. Bob Bob the Bob (where's s/he gone?)
  3. Bob Marley
  4. Skutter Bob (pleeeeease print him more)
  5. Bob Monkhouse
  6. Patrick Moore (he deserves a mention)

1929 (fan of the name "Bob")

And Sideshow Bob? Where's he?

SURELY THE GREATEST BOB

 

HEY WLW

You were mocking the Salt Museum! Why? I've been and my parents were so impressed there's been much talk of a re-visit.

Oh, and I've also been to the Pencil Museum and actually seen the biggest pencil in the world!

Can I take this opportunity to tell you all that I have visited these places kicking and screaming, not out of my own love for strange curiosities.

The Gingerbread Frog.

A museum of salt defies belief —

COULD ANYWHERE BE MORE BORING?

 

SATURDAYS

After months of study, I have come to a conclusion! The reason we are deprived of 'Zine on Saturdays is either:

  1. You are a misery.
  2. You would have Sunday off but they pay you one hell of an overtime rate.
  3. You are nursing a hangover from Friday night after going to Yates' with your mates.
  4. You are Jewish.

So come on, which be it?

The One and (thankfully) Only Schizo Number 3

I am a Jewish misery in Yates' —

SPENDING ALL THAT OVERTIME WONGA!

 

MY OH MY! CALM! CALM!

There I was, sitting on my chaise lounge, chug-a-lugging a tipple of sherry while watching an horrendous televisual piece on popular music called The Brits, featuring screaming juveniles and hirsute reprobates, when a demure beauty called Kylie appeared.

I fell off my chair, spilt my drink, thereby staining my HMS Indefatigable cravat, and started having palpitations at her effervescent sumptuousness.

The Brigadier

Stick to watching Antiques Roadshow —

NOTHING TOO TITTILATING ON THERE