The Mega-Zine Museum
January 20, 2002
GRILLAMO I can't wait until February 2 cos it'll be 02 02 02! Yay! Okey dokey, whatever, easily pleased.
THE (UN)DOMESTIC GODDESS I hinted and hoped, beyond all hope, to get the Hogwarts Castle for Christmas. And what did I get? Not the Hogwarts Castle, that's what! It's the giving, not the receiving... apparently.
ARKELA Please can you print this, otherwise it's just a complete waste of my time. 'Tis done. Happy bunny now?
POLLY'S CRACKER
I'm engaged, so I don't fancy Douglas. I do like him, though, he seems quite sweet and amiable.
I also like Fred from the Homepride adverts. I have a Fred moneybox.
Juicy Strawberry, Hector's House
Never mind that, engaged?
HOW SO? TO WHOM? DETAILS!
FUNNY-LOOKING PEOPLE
I've got this thing where I think people look like animals.
My maths teacher resembles some kind of half piranha/half woman. Whenever I see my English teacher, I think of badgers.
The most common ones I see are dinosaurs, and a few look like deer. My friend is also a dead ringer for Hugh Grant, except she's female.
Maybe I've got an overactive imagination.
Sugared Venom
Maybe? I should say so —
WAY TOO MUCH SUGAR IN YER TEA!
DESIGNER AMNESIAC
James Dean Bradfield is the greatest guitarist? Where do you get that? The back of a cornflakes box?
Perhaps you should listen to John Lee Hooker, Jimi Hendrix, Robert Fripp (admittedly a bit weird and married to Toyah Willcox) and BB King before you talk nonsense.
Everyone knows the Manics are a pale reflection of what they were when Richey was there.
Princess Psycho
And there's a "greatest hits" album
DUE IN SEPTEMBER. OH DEAR.
WLW AND 'ZINERS
Did you know that every 'Zine page lasts for 19 seconds? Why not 20?
Did you also know that, as the Mega-zine page counter approaches p142, letters appear instead of numbers? What's that all about?
I would like an explanation, please.
Shotgun Ziegler
Oh, you know, technical problems,
ADVERSE WEATHER, YADDA YADDA...
DEAR WLW
I sent in my last letter explaining how girls ran away from me when I asked them out. That was before I met my beloved Queen of the Telegraph Poles.
Nothing can surpass the happiness I have felt since I met you, my queen. For that, I thank you publicly on the great pages of 'Zine.
King of the Telegraph Poles
Mega-zine — bringing people together
SINCE 1855 (five to seven last Weds)
WLW
What will it take to get printed? I'm falling apart watching everyone else getting recognition while I waste away.
I want fame and notoriety! I try and try and try but nothing happens!
There, not bad for a first letter, is it?
Alec Eiffel
Well, it's a bit grovelly, but hey —
IT WORKED, DIDN'T IT?
SOMEBODY PLEASE EXPLAIN
A close RAF comrade furnished me with a CD yesterday that went under the moniker of Journeys by Godskitchen.
Who are Godskitchen? Are they a group? The CD box is bright orange and hardly seductive. I could not read the names of the melodies on the back.
It was all highly confusing and troubled my intellect somewhat. I do not consider it correct to sell this artifact.
The Brigadier
This "clown RAF comrade" — he does know
YOU CAN'T PLAY CDS ON A GRAMOPHONE?
