The Mega-Zine Museum
January 15, 2002
THE DIMGIRL FROM THE MOLEHOLE What was your New Year's resolution, WLW? Maybe to print me more often? No, that wasn't it. Damn, I can't remember.
NiLiD Even if you win the rat race, when it comes down to it, you're still a rat. Lovely, thanks, thanks a lot.
MORTAL WOMBAT When I'm reading 'Zine at 3.30pm, am I recording viewing figures for Countdown? Just wondering. That's a bloomin' good question. You think we're keeping Carol Vorderman in frocks?
THE SHOWER
You turn the hot tap on... it's like molten lava coming out of the shower head. As you gently nudge the cold tap, suddenly you are plunged into a world where polar bears rule and penguins start to gather around your feet.
But wait, it's slowly starting to warm, now the fun begins! The race is on — just when will your shower decide to turn up the heat?
Be quick! For the love of God, be quick!
Kellogulation
The shower at WLW Towers is the same —
I FEEL LIKE I'M CRACKING A SAFE!
POETRY CORNER
Here's the one poem I can contribute to Poetry Corner that's not X-rated:
There once was a young lad called Jim
And someone threw a tomato at him
Now tomatoes are soft and can't hurt the skin
But this one did, it came in a tin!
Not brilliant, but it's the best I could do, considering I'm in pain with my wisdom teeth coming through!
Fluffy The Evil One
It's a jolly good effort all the same —
RHYMES AND EVERYTHING
COUNTDOWN
The bloke who composed the Countdown conundrum music must have been a genius. "Why?" I hear you cry.
I've figured out that the music lasts 16 bars of 4/4 time, this has to fit in perfectly with the 30-second timer. So to figure out the speed of the music, you have to divide 30 by 4, times 16.
Can't be bothered to figure it out, but it's still genius.
1929
Say what?
MY HEAD HURTS
MAN-SIZED TISSUES
It is supposed to be out of order to be racist or sexist or anything-ist, so why are large tissues called MAN-SIZED?
Is it implying that men have big heads and so need bigger tissues?
And I'll bet you can't find cat-sized tissues!
Jeffery Pig
Tissues for puddy cats — it's a idea.
THEY'RE SO CUTE WHEN THEY SNEEZE!
TABLE
Table? What? There was a table here just a minute ago? Well, I'm sure I would have noticed something like that. No, I'm not lying, why would I lie?
It's not like I'm trying to cover anything up. I mean, it's not like I broke the table and am trying to pretend that I never even knew it was there, that would be silly.
No, that is not a table leg I'm holding, it's a... er... fishing rod!
She Who Lost The Plot
Ummmm... you broke the table...
I'M TELLING!
HI ALL
Don't you just love the programme So Graham Norton? He is just THE best. And that telephone dog thing? Brilliant!
What do you all think? His show just lights up my week... not that I have no life and henceforth look to a TV show to give me inner happiness.
What do you think, WLW? Top show? Or are you more of a Richard and Judy person?
Angelic entity
I think he's quality,
CAMP AS CHRISTMAS, BUT QUALITY
TYPICAL B*CKCH*T LETTER TYPE A
"I think that (insert pop group/star's name here) is really (insert interesting word here eg: groovy, swinging etc) and if you disagree then you should listen to their/his/her album/latest single and you will find that they/he/she is/are talented."
The Cornflake Kid
Sounds about right, although would they
UNDERSTAND THE WORD 'TALENTED'?
