The Mega-Zine Museum
November 15, 2001
SUBATOMIC GENIUS Can I also confess my undying love for Susan Kennedy? No!
FATHER COOL Bless you all, my brethren. Who would like a blessing? I'm also available for weddings. Oh no, not you again... I thought that you'd gone on a pilgrimage.
THE CHICKEN WHO CROSSED THE ROAD Why do birds suddenly appear, every time you are near? Dunno, I guess that just like me, they long to be, close to you...
HELP!
My mom is worrying me. She is obsessed with quiz shows but her favourite is Countdown.
Not only does she play the letters and numbers games with her Countdown pad, but the other day I saw her laughing and clapping at one of Richard Whiteley's jokes.
Surely there's therapy for such a serious condition?
The Beautiful Stone Hippo
You'd think so, wouldn't you?
I SUGGEST SELLING THE TELLY
TO WLW
I feel I could end the worst town debate with my own little corner of hell — Fauldhouse.
There are several useless museums, seven pubs, two supermarkets and no less than four fast food outlets.
The only place of interest is the train station — my salvation out of here.
Disposable Prune
A train station? You have a station?
YOU WANNA GO TO HAWICK... NOTHING!
QUESTIONS FOR WLW
Have I done something wrong?
Why are you ignoring me?
Is it because I don't have e-mail?
Or do you not like me?
Really?
That's fine...
Marigold In Bloom
No, I'm not, no, 'course I do, yes —
NO PROBS
DEAR WLW
Since there has been so much discussion of Dandelion & Burdock (well, at least two letters anyway) on Mega-zine, I just had to go out and buy some to remind myself of how good it tasted.
Mmmmm... it is so good. Why other people don't drink it I don't know. Maybe this has something to do with availability, as there do not seem to be many places that sell it.
Captain Slog
Ask yourself why.
AN ACQUIRED TASTE, I THINK
'ZINE RECIPE
For a vegetarian dish, you take some (Revolutionary) Carrots, add some (Savage) Cabbage and some Broccoli (The Evil One), peel a (Frank The) Potato and garnish it with some Parsley (Possum).
Then, for the dessert, you can have either a Twix (McGoo) or a (Man With The Golden) Bun with some (Pablo) Marmite spread on!
Fluffy The Evil One
All served up by the Brigadier with
ONE OF HIS LOVELY GLASSES OF PORT
BONJOUR!
Every cat lover knows that cats don't stare at you if they like you — they squint adorably.
Blue Fairy shouldn't stare at cats, let alone try and win staring contests. This is very rude.
Mavis must have been horrified when she read this insensitive fairy's letter. Don't stare — squint.
The French Cat Lover
ps: Love to Mavis
I tried it but she just squinted,
ROLLED OVER AND FELL ASLEEP
LOST PEOPLE
Don't you just hate it when you're walking down a street and someone pulls up in a car, tells you that they are lost and then asks if you know the way to the local tourist information?
You stand there, freezing cold, and give them detailed directions. Take the second left, over the roundabout and then first right. Then they say you are wrong and drive off.
It happened to me three times yesterday!
Frustrated Vacuous Nostrile
I just pretend to be Spanish —
NO HABLO INGLES AND ALL THAT...
