Mega-Zine Museum: Letters

September 23, 2001

BOB BOB THE BOB I asked a pussy cat what was new and the damn thing bit my nose. Never disturb a sleeping puss.

JINGLE The younger you get, the more you lose a grip on reality. Which makes me about 3½ right now!

INFERNAL FELINE I'd sending this message by mobile — does that mean I'm a trendie? It means you should sit down and ask yourself some serious questions — like, what did I do before mobiles were invented!

THINGS I LOVE (continued)

Cherry Coke
Sleep
My boyfriend
'Zine
Vegetable Revolution
Cabbage
Frasier
Sideshow Bob
WLW
Goldfish

Girl On The Oatmeal Box

Sleep has to be number one I reckon —

SLEEP FOLLOWED BY... MORE SLEEP

'ZINERS

I was amused the other day when a trendie called me "homosexual" because I do not like WWF wrestling.

I pointed out to him that I wasn't the one with a thing for watching grown men dressed in Lycra grappling with each other and he got slightly annoyed.

Attemping to pull some ridiculously named move on me, he failed and dislocated his shoulder. Ha ha.

The Despotic Banana

THE biggest waste of TV air time —

THAT AND THE FASHION INDUSTRY

GHERKINS

What's the point of this pathetic excuse for a vegetable? The only reason for their existence is for people to peel them out of their McDonald's burgers and throw them in the bin, creating rubbish, and thus creating a job for some spouty teenage herbert.

Ban the production of gherkins and maybe we can end students, 'cos they will have nowhere to work to get their beer money!

Fluffy The Evil One

Today's spotty teenage herberts

ARE TOMORROW'S BOY BANDS!

HEALTH WARNING

Do NOT eat three bags of sour Skittles, followed by a Belgian bun, followed by banana bread, followed by a Crunchie, followed by another Crunchie, followed by another Crunchie, followed by cheese, marmite and sour Skittle sanwiches, followed by dinner.

It can be seriously bad for your health.

Dichlorodiphenyltrichloroethane

Always one to test a theory, I tried —

BELIEVE ME KIDS... IT'S A NO-NO

HEY WLW

I'd like to nominate Barnsley for most depressing town. I actually live down the road in beautiful sunny Sheffield, but Barnsley just annoys me.

Do any other 'Ziners come from the great gaping hole of Sheffield, or is it just me and Golden Bun?

Pablo Marmite

PS: Now that the foot-and-mouth scare's over, is Daisy the cow going to return or are we stuck with Mabel Mop Lady?

Mabel may well be rinsing out that mop

FOR THE LAST TIME SOON

'ZINERS

I was on a bus today driven by my town's one and only kamikaze driver! There are quite a few bends in the road and he was flying the bus along them at I-don't-know-what speed, but I was standing on the raised bit of the first deck and my feet were lifted off the ground.

My head definitely made some unwanted contact with the ceiling.

Do they teach that at Evil Bus Driver School? I think the driver got an A!

Toadette Of Toad Hall

They do. And they teach them in Fulham.

BELIEVE ME, I HAVE PROOF

PCs ARE NOT PC (OK, bad pun!)

My computer had a virus last week, the symptoms were terrible. I gave him some medicine, but to no avail. He got upset and sparks flew (literally, my eye still hasn't recovered!).

The virus spread and then to top it off... he BEEPED!

The moral to this story: computers are complicated, buy a plank.

Yellow Jello

Though planks have their downside

LACK OF A KEYBOARD FOR STARTERS

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