Mega-Zine
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August 29, 2001

THE CORNFLAKE KID I was walking down the street the other day and I saw a flying pig. Do you think that this is some sort of sign? Perhaps there's a credible Slipknot track on the way.

WONKEY DONKEY ON TOUR Garlic cheese is the best invention ever... mouthwash is the second-best invention though! And a very necessary one after garlic cheese.

BOB BOB THE BOB In the movie of my life, it will always be raining. Mine too, dunno if that helps.

 

WHY LONG HAIR IS BETTER THAN SHORT:

  1. If you spun your hair into gold, like the girl in Rumplestiltskin, then you would get more gold.
  2. It's amusing to mess about with during exams.
  3. There's more of it.
  4. My cat is long-haired.
  5. You can do impressions of Cousin It from the Addams Family!

Perplexed Crow

All perfectly valid reasons but —

SHORT HAIR FOR SUMMER, I SAY

 

JOHN SHAFT VS YODA

  1. Shaft's rate of delivery is 10/10 so, in a fight, Yoda wouldn't stand a chance despite his jedi master status.
  2. Did Isaac Hayes sing about Yoda? I think not!
  3. Shaft looks good in a policeman's uniform, Yoda is plain ugly!
  4. Is Yoda a cultural turning point? Again, I think not!
  5. Ever tried tiramisu ice cream?

Parsley Possum

Not sure where No 5 comes from but yes,

I HAVE, IT IS THE BUSINESS!

 

GUESS MY TOWN:

  1. It has a beach
  2. Xmas lights are still on the trees
  3. It has a maritime museum
  4. 911 are performing at our leisure centre (sad!)
  5. We have a leisure centre!
  6. The Radio 1 Roadshow comes here
  7. MSP and Feeder performed this year
  8. So did Li'l Bow Wow
  9. It's full of trendies
  10. It's full of townies

Kilted Haggis

Aberdeen? No, wait, Slough? No...

DON'T TELL ME... TORQUAY? CLOSE?

 

CHRISTMAS

With the Christmas season approaching, I thought I would offer my services.

I will gladly turn on any Christmas lights, preferably in Oldham, Milton Keynes or Telford.

Plus, Santa, this year, I would like you to destroy the Stereophonics.

Cheers.

Whiskey Butcher

Now, now, Kelly Jones is harmless

BESIDES, IT'S ONLY AUGUST Y'KNOW!

 

TOP 3 THINGS NOT TO DO AT FESTIVALS:

  1. Wear hot pink cords that totally soak up mud.
  2. Forget your camera.
  3. Drink yourself into oblivion.

I must remember to take this advice next year!

Redpixie

Alternatively, go to Skegness

WITH YER MUM AND DAD

 

WORLD DOMINATION

Is it me or is Kerrang! taking over the world? It started as a (humble?) magazine and now, all of a sudden, it has its own TV channel, radio station, website and awards ceremony.

Are TV channels really cheap these days? Smash Hits and Q have their own too. Let's save up and get a 'Zine Channel!

Snaz the Not Evil One

We'd be taken off within a week —

TOO MANY ARTISTIC DIFFERENCES

 

NEW GUY — SUMTHIN' TO SAY

We were lining up to see Marilyn Manson outside the MEN arena last January, when a mob of extremely kind, friendly and generous Christians started offering everybody tasty jam donuts and chocolate cookies.

I've been to church, but I never once got a donut.

Diet Boy

Nor me! Clearly we are hangin' out

IN THE WRONG KINDA CHURCHES