The Mega-Zine Museum
August 10—11, 2001
LADY OF THE DEAD What actually happens if you remove a "do not remove" label... I think I might be daring and find out. Nooooooooo! Don't do it!
SIR WHENCE PITCHFORK How do we compare to Digitiser's 1.5m viewers per week? Incredibly well. Marketing tell me we have 93.7m readers... on a rainy day, obviously.
BLACK COMA Is it OK to feed my cat dog food? Well, good luck in getting her to eat it in the first place!
THINGS TO DO WITH TOURISTS
- Yell "basking shark!" when there's lots of them in the sea.
- Introduce yourself. Tell them your name, age, etc. Then start saying random words and watch their confusion grow.
- Sell them bags of "Cornish air" for £1.50 a bag, "because it's special".
Miss World
Ooooh, that's cruel that is...
BUT THEY ASK FOR IT, I SAY
'ZINERS,
Why is it that, by default, every human being, male or female, short or tall, fat or thin... everyone is expected to support a football team!
I'm male and don't support a team — I never have done. People ask me who I support and I say: "I don't support anyone, apart from my friends". They say: "You must support someone?"... Nope, sorry.
Is it entirely unacceptable not to?
Frank The Potato
Yes, entirely unacceptable.
PREM SEASON STARTS IN EIGHT DAYS!
TOP FIVE MOVIE ANIMALS
- Dancing Gopher, Caddyshack
- Killer Bunny, Monty Python & The Holy Grail
- Mr Bigglesworth, Austin Powers
- Gizmo, Gremlins
- Demon Dogs, Ghostbusters
Anyone want to add to this?
Silvan Draconis
Does the donkey in Shrek count?
THE EDDIE MURPHY THING? THE BEST!
MISS WORLD
Here's mine!
| 5am: | Wake up to the sound of my alarm clock conveniently wedged between my bed and the wall. |
| 7am: | Organise chunks of Nutrigrain bars in order of size, colouring and weight. |
| 10am: | Contemplate the odds of Davord electrocuting himself with his electric toothbrush. |
| 12am: | Check in to asylum. Receive treatment and medication. |
Demented Wheelie Bin from Hell
You do the Nutrigrain thing too?
NOT JUST ME THEN
AN ODE TO MY DAMN FUNKY TROOSERS
Oh, patchwork flares,
You're made of squares,
You're all so pretty and gay.
The zip got broke,
Which wasn't a joke,
And didn't brighten up my day.
Tiger In Blueprint
PS: Please take "gay" to mean jolly in the old-fashioned sense. I've observed my troosers for long enough to know that they aren't homosexual.
Never crossed my mind that you
MIGHT HAVE HOMOSEXUAL TROOS!
'ZINERS,
So, Socialist Guerilla has revealed my criminal record. Well, I don't deny it but it wasn't my fault.
How was I to know there would be a camera in the bank vault? And that the alarm would go off? And the doors would close me in? And all the police in the South East would turn up to arrest me?
You see? I told you it wasn't my fault. Now, Socialist Guerilla on the other hand...
The Despotic Banana (No. 7685643567)
What? Spill!
WHAT DID HE DO? EH?
DEAR 'ZINE,
My town, as with every other town, has experienced a surge in the number of people wearing T-shirts with Metallica printed across the back.
But, the other day, I noticed at least six people wearing Boyzone T-shirts. The strange thing was, half of them were middle-aged men.
Please, somebody tell me it's just my town.
Gaelic Chieftess
It's just your town!
AT LEAST, I HOPE IT IS
