Mega-Zine
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July 11, 2001

MOULDFINGER Man With The Golden Bun — sexy, intelligent, funny and popular? It isn't very often you find a man like that! Wahey, she's after you mate!

MUFFY WLW — what do you think about the delightfully charming King Adora? Honest? Not a lot, sorry and all that.

PINK MAFIA Who was it defending the ridiculous Brian/Josh stereotype stuff in the Big Brother house? I wonder if it's possible that gay men like neither and keep voting Paul in. Very possible.

 

WLW

Who would you like to be trapped in a room with (besides me)?

Mmmm... PJ Harvey, Dido, Angelina Jolie — nice! Or, even better, Becky Aarons from my school. Raven black hair, pale skin. And she looks like Jamie Hepburn.

Dark Grey Wolf Of Norbex

Wait a minute — was this just a way

OF USING ME TO ASK HER OUT?

 

'ZINERS

16 years have passed me by and still I've only discovered one nugget of knowledge which will actually help everyone...

"Friends are useless, get a dog"

Fin.

Al, the Afro Tamer

Always been my motto in life

ALTHOUGH GET A CAT, MINE SAYS

 

STRAWBERRY SAUCE

Strawberry sauce is wonderful, isn't it? It's got a brilliant taste, smells great and makes your ice-cream 100% better. In fact, it's even better without the ice cream.

Just one warning though — don't buy the sauce that comes in a wavy blue bottle as someone will mistake it for washing-up liquid.

Demented Wheelie Bin From Hell

Mind you, wouldn't half make

YER CEREAL BOWL SMELL NICE!

 

MY DREAM JOB!

Can't sing to save my life, so I'd have to be a roadie or a guitar technician. Especially a guitar technician — twiddling with the gadgets of the stars.

Just think, I could turn James Dean Bradfield on in more ways than one...

The Gutless Wonder

Do us all a favour

AND UNPLUG THE THING

 

WHY I HATE MY SCHOOL:

  1. It is Hell with textbooks
  2. Our headmistress has a voice like Barry White.
  3. The canteen food sticks when you throw it at a wall.
  4. Our caretaker looks like Snake from the Simpsons.
  5. We have an Italian English teacher whose accent I can't understand.

And cartoons? Superted ruled!

Deadgirl, the Coffin Cleaner

Doesn't sound like a barrel of laughs,

DOES IT?

 

6 REASONS WHY I HATE FLIES

  1. They come in, but can't find their way out.
  2. They leave poop all over the window.
  3. They fly around right in front of your eyes.
  4. Whenever you do try to catch them, they disappear.
  5. If you do hit them with a shoe, you tread dead fly everywhere.
  6. When you think they've gone, they start buzzing off again.

Next week, slugs and bees.

The One With Little Significance

Ah, now see, if you had a cat

YOU WOULD BE SANS FLIES FOREVER!

 

MISS WORLD

I remember Uncle Jack. That was such a cool programme. There were four series of it, called Operation Green, The Loch Ness Monster, The Dark Side Of The Moon and Cleopatra's Mummy.

Uncle Jack was played by a guy called Paul Jones (from Manfred Mann), and there was a female villain called The Vixen.

I don't remember much else about it, but it was really good.

Miss MacPhisto

I still don't remember it at all —

WHEN WAS THIS 'GEM' ON THE BOX?