The Mega-Zine Museum

May 12, 2001

THE ONE WITH LITTLE SIGNIFICANCE At 3pm (just before this message is wiped off), all 'Ziners should turn on their kettles, thus creating a huge power surge. Don't know why, we just should. No sugar in mine, thanks.

SILVAN DRACONIS OK, who's eaten my faeries? It'd better not be that troll in my shed again. It was, I saw him.

JESUS Why are there so many songs about rainbows? There aren't, that's just hearsay — pure and simple!

PSYCHIC CATS

My cat is staring strangely at my wall and making weird miaowy noises. I heard somewhere that cats can see ghosts! Is this true? Is there a ghost in my house? Be quite exciting if there was.

People say that cats are more clever than dogs, too. On Neighbours, a dog saved someone's life so I thought I'd test my cat. I collapsed convincingly in my best acting style and do you know what my cat did? It walked over to me, sniffed my foot and walked away!

Ratchild

Much as I love cats, I'm afraid they

CANNOT BE RELIED UPON IN A CRISIS!

I CANNOT BELIEVE IT

My assassin has quit. He said the working conditions and pay were abysmal. These worker's unions have got a lot to answer for.

Anyway WLW, you're off the hook for now. But in the meantime, I'm cooking up a fiendish plan involving mushroom-tainted chocolate. BWA HA HA HA HA...

The Fiend Next Door

It would appear that assassins

CANNOT BE RELIED UPON EITHER!

SYLVIA THE PSYCHIC SHEEP

Yeah, sure, you can babysit for Broccoli and I. I'm sure Baby The Evil One will love you.

We pay £20 an hour, but most of that is hazard pay and you have to sign a waiver promising not to sue if he eats you... like he did the last three sitters!

Fluffy The Evil One

Sylvia, love, do yerself a favour —

STAY WELL CLEAR!

'ZINERS

I wonder if anyone on here knows who I am?

I also have a very short attention span. I remember once...

Socialist Guerrilla

I, too, have a very short... er...

WHATEVER... WHAT WAS I SAYING?

BEES VS WASPS

If the entire population of bees took on the entire population of wasps in a huge, no-holds-barred battle royal, who would win?

Don't be too quick to back wasps as they are rather hot-tempered. Bees are calm and collective, and much smarter than wasps.

Bees would also have most human beings on their side because wasps are rubbish and nasty.

That Dude

But bees are not the smartest cookies —

I MEAN, ONE STING AND IT'S BYEEEEE

'ZINE

Inspired by the recent goat vs squirrel debate, I have decided to find out the answer to the question that you all want to know...

What is the goat:squirrel volume ratio?

After many days of research, I have found the answer to be 1:20. This means that you can fit 20 squirrels into one goat.

She Who Lost The Plot

Bless you! That's another little job

I CAN CROSS OFF MY 'TO DO' LIST

MEGAZINE

Dear world. You don't have to worry any more. I've decided to dedicate my life to the killing of storage product pests. I'm killing them as I write this and boy, it feels good.

I haven't got round to the beetles yet, but moths have a lot to fear. I've bought this virus that does the trick, but I plan to blitz them with predators and parasitoids as well. Hallelujah!

Bob Bob The Bob

Now here's a lad

WHO NEEDS A HOBBY

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