The Mega-Zine Museum
April 22, 2001
MISS WORLD WLW — are you really that scary Bamboozle guy on page 152? No way, that guy is just tooooooo scary!
SILVAN DRACONIS It doesn't say much about your home town when even the ducks are queuing outside the Citizen's Advice Bureau, does it? It's not a good sign, no.
THE MAN WITH THE GOLDEN BUN WLW — will you marry me? What sort of benefits package are we talking here? I'm open to offers, but you gotta be practical.
ASK FOR ANSWERS
Why do toothbrushes never fit into toothbrush holders?
Where has the infernal Biscuit Monitor gone? Two packets of chocolate chip cookies went missing yesterday.
WLW — are you my maths teacher? The same sarcastic sense of humour is uncanny.
The Vegetarian Vampire
Definitely not your maths teacher, no —
ALGEBRA MEANS NOTHING TO ME
WLW AND FELLOW 'ZINERS
Strange things have been happening here in Northern Ireland. In recent months, there has been an influx of trendies "becoming Goths". They have ceased to purchase their natural attire of Adidas and Nike and turned to a "Goth look".
Naturally this has outraged the original Goths who have now started to wear Adidas and Nike!
This really is a strange old country.
Leprechaun Lover
Goths in Adidas? Strange?
YOU AIN'T KIDDING!
FLUFFY
I'd love to be your PR dude, sweetie. But we need to draw up a contract — wages, hours and, of course, my cut out of your illustrious pop career.
I'm also going to need the title of your first single and stuff.
Darlings, Fluffy is going to be huge, grab a piece of him now. By the time I'm finished, he'll be a billionaire!
Black Widow,
PR Manager to Fluffy The Evil One
OK, which piece shall we grab, chaps?
I'LL HAVE THE... SECOND THOUGHTS
MORE FUTURE BAND JOBS
I enjoyed these so much, I decided to make my own:
- Ash — crematorium workers
- Rage Against the Machine — manual labour rights activists
- Steps — stair manufacturers (very lame, I know!)
- Papa Roach — fish breeders (get it?)
I hope these give you hours of pleasure.
Uncontrollable Lampost of Wisdom
Well, not quite hours, but a chuckle —
THERE WAS DEFINITELY A CHUCKLE
'ZINERS
I'd just like to take this moment to say... that I disagree with everything that's said on 'Zine today (ooh, a rhyme!)
I thought I'd save time by sending in my own message before actually reading anyone else's. Proud of my initiative?
Oh, and Fred Durst is sex on toast. I thank you.
Love, stuff and bizkits,
Bombalurina xxx
On toast? Oh please...
I'M HAVING MY TEA!
MY POETIC ATTEMPT
I wish I was a slice of ham
Or maybe spam or lamb.
But I am just a blob of jam
I am, I am, I am.
I feel this short rhyme reflects the deprivation of jam compared to varieties of meat.
Don't believe me? Just answer me this my friends — jam sandwich or chunky meat sandwich?
I rest my case.
The One With Little Significance
What about Turkey and Cranberry?
BEST OF BOTH WORLDS, I SAY
'ZINERS
I am going to have to tell you. I am so sorry, but I am in love. Truly, James is just the loveliest person alive. And it helps that I fancy the pants off him. I am sorry to all my adoring fans out there, but he is the one who has captured my heart.
No, don't cry, you'll find someone too! He is just wonderful and sexy and sweet and funny and cute and has the best smile. I could go on forever.
Thank-you for listening.
Telescope the Vail in Brum
The Pokemon dude?
AND WHAT ABOUT THE CABBAGE LAD?
