The Mega-Zine Museum
February 21, 2001
SWEET SISTER OF NIGHT WLW — you wanted to know Westlife's 'positive message'? Not all music is as bad as this! Oh right, yes, I can see it now.
ARABLE PARABLE I would eat chicken, but the feathers don't agree with me. Pluck it, mate — if you see what I mean.
BABE VS UNIVERSE I am angry! Why does it take so long to get on 'Zine? Are you that loaded with mail? Yes — and with people who complain that clearly don't check Megazine every day!
CREATION
God said 'let there be light' and there was, and God said 'let there be clingfilm' and there wasn't, for clingfilm had not yet been invented.
But many thousands of years later plastic was discovered and behold... clingfilm was born.
God's world was complete — a world with light and clingfilm for all.
She Who Lost The Plot
And what a creation that was!
I'M LOST WITHOUT IT
DEAR HOME OF ALL FOOD
Congratulations Homie! With your no-nonsense attitude, you have won the Deluded Residue prize for 'Clear Thinking, Well Balanced and Well Rounded Personality Of The Year'.
Your unprejudiced and frank letter really shows that not everyone is part of the war against another group.
Thank you and good day.
Deluded Residue
Is this a wind-up?
CAN I SMELL SARCASM IN THE AIR?
LUCKY OR UNLUCKY?
Just got back from holiday but, the day before our last day, a black cat crossed the road in front of us when we were driving to a hotel for a drink.
This was unlucky because, instead of our car breaking down on a motorway in the middle of nowhere, it broke down outside the hotel.
Do you see what I mean?
Stripey Cat
Surely outside the hotel was better?
I MEAN, YOU STILL GOT YER DRINK!
I'VE JUST DISCOVERED THAT I'M PSYCHIC
Looking into the near future, I see the three Pie Men of the Apocalypse!
They come to inflict torture upon those with taste in music, bring tedium to a new level and bring pretentious types new political philosophies that they don't really understand.
All that can save us now is the new Incubus album.
Parsley Possum
Let me guess — the Manics?
IS THIS OF WHOM YOU SPEAK?
DEAREST 'ZINERS AND WLW
I think we should all take two minutes to pay our respects to the genius who came up with the idea of having a light in the fridge.
Thanks to him or her, whenever we open the fridge we can guarantee we'll be able to see inside, even if it's the middle of the night!
Amazing.
Protective Sheet
Absolutely... ranks alongside clingfilm
IN MY BOOK!
INTRO (PART 1)
Is life just a game we play?
To win, do we have to pay?
Does life actually have a meaning?
What would happen if we lost all feeling?
What is the key to the lock in your house?
Can't find nothing to rhyme but mouse.
I know that this message is lame.
I know that I'm maybe insane.
Grinwithaspin
But a jolly good effort all the same...
NOW THAT WAS YOUR CLOSING LINE!
A STORY
A man was unable to talk. One day, he went to a job interview. No-one knows what the interview was for, but it did involve talking to customers.
When it came to the question 'can you talk?', he lied in order to get the job. He got a call the next day to say he'd got the job.
He went to the office and found that he actually could talk. He got married and had kids and stuff — and beards. Don't forget the beards.
Onyx
Hello stranger!
STILL ON THE 'BEARD' THING THEN?
