The Mega-Zine Museum
December 19, 2000
THE CAT THAT DIDN'T COME BACK Cat rule No 1: Never think outside the litter box. Cat rule No 2: Always go in the litter box!
THE PLASTIFINIC RADIATOR One day I saw a "Kev" walking along the road. I never saw one again. Get to Essex mate!
HANDY MANNEQUIN Who am I? That's a good question. I'll tell you... wait... what's the question again? What's the meaning of life divided by the number of brain cells Girl Thing have?
FESTIVE GREETINGS
But do any of you consider the consequences of your traditions and merriment? After your holiday has come and gone, what happens to your tree? Do you treasure it and lovingly replant it in the garden for next year?
Remember — a tree is for life, not just for Christmas!
The Lonely Pine From The Forest Of Misery
AND Santa... what happens to him? Just
CAST ASIDE LIKE AN OLD MINCE PIE
DEAR 'ZINERFRIENDS,
It's not that I'm a hateful and spiteful person, it's just that other people don't care enough. You need people like me. Without us, we'd all be walking around going: "I love you sooooo much."
Think how reassuringly nice and sweet we'd all be. And you know, I do occasionally hate someone for a reason. Sometimes.
Skinned Celebrity
I DO enjoy hearing from you, Skinned,
JUST WHEN I THINK I'M HAPPY...
'ZINERS,
Well, aren't we feeling smug? I write in to express my opinion and suddenly everyone's an anthropologist!
OK, here's a little exercise. Read this phrase: "theory of evolution". Read it again. And again.
Did you notice the word "theory"? You did? Then how come Creature Of The Wheel claims to have proof that evolution occurs? You should publish a paper on that, mate.
Outershellelectron
The ONE thing I learned at school...
ALWAYS READ THE QUESTION FIRST!
A NIGHT OUT IN COVENTRY
| 21.00 | Arrive at Dog & Trumpet, "Coventry's premier rock venue". |
| 21.35 | Spend all my money on beer. |
| 22.00 | Get bored, laugh at the fools in Slipknot boiler suits. |
| 22.30 | Ask the DJ incessantly for White Zombie. |
| 23.00 | No White Zombie yet, try to set people on fire. |
| 00.00 | Dance to Incubus, realise it's actually Lit and I'm delirious. |
| 01.00 | Go home, no White Zombie. |
Parsley Possum
You know
HOW TO LIVE IN COV, EH?
'ZINERS,
Over the past few weeks, I've noticed that you lot have been ranting on about how much of a pie muncher my beautiful James Dean Bradfield is, and how bad the city of Coventry is.
Well, I'm a die-hard Manics fan from Coventry.
I'll leave while the door's still open, shall I?
Decaying Flower
I think
THAT WOULD BE WISE...
You've offended me now. I have to stick up for Placebo. They've had an enormous amount of criticism. As I know very little about music, all I can say to defend them is that I like them muchly.
I also like Kylie Minogue at the minute. Damn, my argument has lost all credibility.
Bongo Pants
'As I know very little about music' —
YOU SAID IT, PAL!
SOME PRESSING NEWS FOR YOU ALL
I was watching an old Home And Away today, Matt and Cameron were talking about their flatmate moving out and were looking at ads for housemates.
Matt read one which took me by complete surprise: "No anti-vegetarians and no trendies"!
Oh my God, trendies have been around since, well, since Home And Away... and that's a pretty long time, my friends.
Telescope The Vail In Brum
Whatever happened to Marilyn?
