The Mega-Zine Museum
December 7, 2000
THE REINCARNATED SQUIRREL EATER I asked my maths teacher what's the square root of 17.9435 and he said only smarties have the answer. Not true, my tube is still trying to work it out.
HOLY PURPLE DRAGON Remember you're a Womble! You saying I'm fat and furry?
ONYX I don't have fun and I hate everything. The world owes me. Next week, Corey Taylor throws towels at old men. Something to look forward to there, then.
OH MAN!!!!!!!!!!!!
Story time. Jane thought people like her never fell in love, but she had with darling Clive. But her first instinct was right and at that moment he was flying to Barbados with his "other girlfriend", underwear model Jennifer, on Jane's money.
They weren't ungrateful, though, and decided to call their first child "Sucker" in her memory.
Secluded Rainbow
Wouldn't that make a great "Tricha"?
I'M CALLING HER UP NOW!
HOWDY 'ZINERS
I have the best idea ever: edible packaging. With all the packaging waste problems, just think, you could just start in without opening. Sheer genius.
Of course, due to hygiene and people eating it in shops, there has to be non-edible packaging round the edible stuff. But still a great idea! Who's in favour?
Bob the Cheese Farmer
Great in theory but, in practice,
ONE OR TWO FLAWS
PARSLEY POSSUM
You speak the truth, comrade, but only a third of it. I shall now speak the other 66%. There is no meaning to life.
Embrace this concept to your heart until you die, or turn into a marshmallow, which I recommend.
Try to go to Hell. Marshmallows are nicer toasted (on the Devil's fork). If you go to Heaven, you may be mistaken for a cloud and sat upon by a dead trendy.
The Deity of Satanic Combustion
I want to turn into a Creme Egg,
SO I FEAR HELL MAY BE TOO HOT
FUN THINGS TO DO WITH OPERATORS
Last night I called Directory Inquiries and asked for the number of WLW Towers. They couldn't find it. I asked for a Davord from Tharg, and they couldn't find it. How can I visit Davord without his address or number?
If you print it I promise I'll take some trendies for him to feast on.
PS: What's the point of 'Zine elections etc, if the results aren't printed?
Nurse Kitty
The winners' names die with me —
I THINK THAT'S BEST, DON'T YOU?
WLW IN THE CAR
You won't believe it... I saw a white E-reg Fiesta the other day... OK, so it was ages ago but who cares... and the number plate read "WLW".
Does that mean the fat, hairy bloke eating a pie and driving the vehicle was you? He gave me an evil glance, so I guessed it wasn't as I don't think you'd ever give an eyeful to a faithful 'Ziner like me.
Tiger In Blueprint
A white E-reg Fiesta? Are you serious?
I'M NOT PAID NEARLY ENOUGH!
THE 'ZINE
Has no one realised the hilarity of the name?
'Zine suggests that we all hang out in our "hoods" listening to groovy beats while reading "the 'Zine, my crazy brother" and walk about bouncing on our heels as though we have far too many knees in irregular places (going for longest sentence record) and clicking our fingers a la Ali G... oooh, as if that's a talent.
Wired
Any suggestions for a new name?
WELL? DO YA? HMMMM... THOUGHT NOT
