The Mega-Zine Museum
September 24, 2000
CAPTAIN QUIRK I just write to you because I like the taste of stamps! Then you are a very strange young man.
SPARKLE Parsley Possum — I just want you to know that I admire you. I don't know why, I just do. Are you a boy or a girl? An animal, surely?
FLUFFY THE EVIL ONE WLW — do you ever get any letters from trendies? (Apart from Plughole Fantasy!) I get a few — usually in crayon on headed notepaper from some institution or other!
WLW
Do you not like me anymore? You hardly ever print my letters, so I stopped writing for a while.
But I still like you. I still hate mushrooms. I still love cats. But I do not like Arsenal or any other football team as I believe all exercise, of any sort, promotes stupidity and cruelty. God, I hate PE!
Skinned Celebrity
If God had meant us to wear leotards,
HE'D HAVE PAINTED US PURPLE!
DEAR 'ZINE
Anna Kournikova,
By her, I've been bowled over.
She's served up like a treat
Looking good enough to eat.
I think she's really ace
With her happy, smiling face.
But only with divine help from above
Can we ever fall in love...
It's plainly obvious that we are set up to be the perfect match.
Big Bud
Good job she's pretty, I say...
HER TENNIS IS A BIT IFFY!
HELLO 'ZINE
Enough of the fake revolutionary talk, I have seen the Magna Carta, the work of professionals. That's another story.
I sit here at the end of the bar, brooding about the girl from Pennsylvania with her long dark hair, Nine Inch Nails-fixation and menthol Camel cigarettes. Our time together was so short.
Leave me with my bottle of Tequila.
Joe Slammer (leader awaiting a worthwhile revolution)
Tequila is not the answer young man...
CHOCOLATE IS. TAKE IT FROM ME!
NEW DEBATE
The worst kind of letter? Hmmmm... yes, what is everyone's worst kind of letter? Mine is definitely the 'please accept me' variety, because we don't care whether you enter our planet or not, as long as you're not trendy!
WLW — what's your worst letter?
Broken Bubbles
Dunno, but you're the best Bubbles...
YOU KNOW WHY! THE BEST Y'HEAR?
DEAR 'ZINE
What is the beauty of Big Brother? Simple — it's the Britney Spears of TV programmes. We can't live without it, or with it.
Until recently, there was no such thing as a manufactured TV show, put together with a view to brainwashing the public.
Have I learnt anything from it? Yes — that getting on TV and becoming a star requires no talent. A bit like being a pop star.
Craig Phillips Fan Club
And was anyone more desperate to be
NOTICED THAN CRAIG PHILLIPS? NO!
'ZINERS
There are two sides to me that, for clarification, I choose to name Spawn (my dark and sinister side) and Dilbert (my witty and friendly side).
I was thinking the other day, if I was ever put in a position to decide whether to save humanity or destroy it, the fate of our whole civilisation would depend on which side of my personality was affecting my judgement.
Captain Fish
I like Dilbert...
DILBERT'S THE GUY WE WANT IN CHARGE
