The Mega-Zine Museum
August 24, 2000
TOY MACHINE Look, the pixie dust just tastes nice. I don't have a problem. Pixie dust? At this time of the day? And you don't have a problem?
PLUGHOLE FANTASY Cheeky Lord Chuzzle sounds like a name Boy George would use if he wrote to 'Zine. Nah, he always signs his letters Georgie xxxx
THE ONE WITHOUT EXISTENCE WLW — congratulations, seven pages. There IS a God! How did you do it? We need to know! Oh, like the funky paper? Bright yellow's a bit hard on the eyes!
AN ODE TO MY FAVE 'ZINER
Here comes the Man From Uncool
Reading Danielle Steele
He still wears a tank top
Got his Disco Greatest Hits
He talks like Frankie Howerd
He dances like a queen
Driving in a Skoda
He's the king of the 'Zine
Egg-Shaped Ian
If you're reading this Mr Uncool...
ALL LAW SUITS TO IAN PLEASE!
WLW
OK, gonna go all Blue Peter on you now.
Take one piece of funky shaped paper, a pen and a bit of glitter (naturally!), put 'em together and what have you got? A letter to 'Zine!
A big HIYA to Jake, Ben, Ben, Mrs Roddy, Adrian, Idlewildchild and, last but not least, Ellen and Greg.
Li'l Glitter QT
You forgot your nan and
'EVERYONE ELSE WHO KNOWS ME'!
WILL THERE REALLY BE A MORNING?
I want to be free, but I know most of it is a lie. Do with me as you wish.
Drown me in an ice bath. I will be mutilated. I will whimper. I will be alone.
But at least I can say "I heard the Manics, I loved and survived. I endured Steps, Stereophonics, Scooch and Travis. But I did survive?"
The Gutless Wonder
Endured the Stereophonics?
ENDURED???
'ZINERS
Why do some words have more than one meaning? Take this sentence for example: 'I saw two kids playing catch'.
The word 'kid' had two meanings. I could have been talking about young people or young goats.
Also, 'playing catch' — they could have been playing with a ball and catching it, or maybe they were running around and catching each other.
Confusing, isn't it?
Puzzle Piece
You need a hobby...
AND FAST!
EIGHT WAYS TO GET YOUR LETTER PRINTED
- Quote Manics lyrics
- Slag Backchat but still read it
- Talk endlessly about trendies
- Bribe WLW with chocolate
- Ask what WLW stands for
- Send in really bad poetry
- Imitate the mentally ill
- Beg for acceptance
Oh yeah, and number nine, compile useless lists.
Dead End Doll
I like number four the best...
YOU CAN NEVER HAVE ENOUGH CHOCOLATE
WLW
So this Big Brother thing. What's the fascination? I mean, take a group of self-obsessed wannabe types, stick them in a house in the middle of nowhere and watch them sleep all day! Gripping!
They're not exactly a cross section of Joe Public are they?
You know what would be good — a Big Brother house filled with 'Ziners. I'd love to know what Plughole looks like first thing in the morning!
Third Finger Left Hand
It's a great idea! I'm getting a cab
TO CHANNEL 4 RIGHT NOW!
