The Mega-Zine Museum
August 2, 2000
STRAWBERRY SHORTCAKE The first thing vampire children have to be taught is — don't run with wooden stakes! And jolly good advice it is too.
HOMER SIMPSON'S BATH SPONGE If I had a dog, I'd call it Maurice. Maurice the dog... Yeah, Maurice is okay. Think I'd probably plump for Wilf myself.
BRING BACK HER HEAD Has anybody else heard the terror that is Daphne and Celeste? I have their e-mail address you know, if anybody needs it... There really should be a culling... soon!
WLW
I'm getting the impression you don't want to accept me here.
I write you gorgeous e-mails and never (not once) have you printed them! I'm so lovely and I'd fit in here really well, but you just don't seem to want to give me a chance!
If you print my letter, I'll even share my chocolate buttons with you (that doesn't happen often).
C'mon WLW.
BAbE wiTH pOiSonEd LiPS
Ah, the old chocolate buttons bribe —
THAT ONE WORKS EVERY TIME!
INDIVIDUALITY...
Everyone here claims individuality, yet I'm sure the MSP shirts or Slipknot hoodies that people here wear were produced in bulk, meaning others are wearing them just like you.
To me, individuality is judged by your actions and perceptions during life, eg: this letter, being an individual statement.
Cheeky Lord Chuzzle
My views on this are well known Mr C...
MSP ETC — TRENDY BY ANOTHER NAME
GREETINGS DAVORD, LORD OF THARG...
It is your arch-nemesis, Crown King of the Five Duchies of Xaag, owner of the six Jade Monkeys, Emperor of Maidenhead... Oquado, Beast of Awkward!
I challenge you and your pathetic armies to a battle at the foot of Skull Mountain. I shall crush you and your puny minions underfoot like bugs. LIKE BUGS! HA HA HA HA HA!
Oquado, the Beast of Awkward
I showed Davord your letter...
HE LAUGHED, ATE IT AND BELCHED!
WLW
I have now attempted three times, and not one of my letters has been published on the hallowed pages of Zine Land. Why? You continue to print stuff much less interesting by other 'Ziners, including "PC Stu".
This letter will more or less not be printed I know, but I would just like to leave you with one thought... never forget, I know where you live.
Sadistic and Notorious
WLW Towers is heavily guarded...
NOT EVEN BRUCE WILLIS CAN GET IN
