The Mega-Zine Museum
June 6, 2000
THE CHEMICAL SISTER I have sent in loads of letters and not one has been printed. I'm going to go and cry now. So how did this one slip through then?
MISS BLOOD RED Why do I love vampires? Because you look like the girl necks door? Ha ha ha ha ha... the girl necks door... geddit? Oh please yourselves.
ONYX WLW - you're getting quite lazy aren't you? Are you kidding? Do you know how long it took me to come up with that hilarious vampire gag? Days!
LOOK, I AM CREDIBLE!
Look at me!
Please look at me?
Look, I'm sitting here with a guitar on my lap.
Look, I just played a chord.
Did you see it?
Please take me seriously.
I'm not coming down until you take me seriously as a musician.
I'll starve if I have to.
Robbie Williams in his tree house
Take you seriously? As a musician?
NEVER GONNA HAPPEN MATEY!
MARQUIS DE SADE HAD NO BOOTS LIKE THESE,
The sun setting down on a torrid sky,
Their rushing and charging against the fight,
The pepper spray hurts their eyes,
Sucking on lemons to save themselves,
Running the streets in long brown flares,
It's too bad that you're by yourself,
Parisian riots of 1968.
John Squire's got a beard!
Dormant Assassin
OK, what brought all this on?
WHO'S JOHN SQUIRE? ANYBODY???
'ZINERS,
There are two kinds of freak:
1) Freaks by nature and 2) Freaks by conviction.
Freaks by nature are naturally different and are not anti-trendy because they are not deliberately distancing themselves, and don't reassure themselves with trendy-bashing.
Freaks by conviction however, are just worried about maintaining outcast status in an inconsequential protest at the mainstream.
Parsley Possum, Grunge Throwback
So there you have it —
CLEAR, CONCISE, SORTED!
DAMMIT, I AM SO ANNOYED!
Now it seems you'll only get printed if you write about glitter or the Manics. Both are excruciatingly boring!
More pilchards please! They had great comic potential.
Pencils hate me. The only good things in this pitiful world are Pot Noodles, Glassjaw and my superiority complex.
Premonition Of The Beckoning End
There are some who would say
ENOUGH WITH THE PILCHARDS ALREADY!
