The Mega-Zine Museum
October 7, 1999
DORMANT ASSASSIN Had a fight with a horse, now I'm filing for divorce. Well... moving swiftly on...
ALONE WOLF I'm like the surprise at the bottom of your cereal. Like that dead wasp in my wheatie flakes this morning.
HANNIBAL THE MERCENARY I don't like it and I won't have it, not in my house! That's what I said but it's still there and still smelling.
'Ziners,
I did the work. I sat the exams. I got the grades to get into Uni.
I was depressed. I am depressed. I will be depressed.
I won't mention my non-existent social life, because that will depress me even further.
But the moral of this story is not that success does not equal happiness but LEARN YOUR TENSES. I did and it shows.
Eau Rouge
Well you seem
TO HAVE LEARNED YOU'RE TENSE
'ZINERS,
Do you think that when our letters are shown on these pages, there could be some really disturbing readers.
For example, Billy Bragg or that Tjinder Singh from Cornershop? I'm really scared now.
Thank heavens for pseudonyms... oh no! What if Billy Bragg is writing in as someone else??? Noooo!!
Miss Tristesse
And Maggie Thatcher is
JON THE POSTMAN
TEXTILE TEACHERS
What's going on, eh? I think they must be a unique breed, a species that's been kept chained up in Area 51 for an extensive research project.
But oh no. Now they release them on to poor little GCSE Textile Students.
Help us. Join the revolt!
Original Sauce
You know what they say,
IF YOU CAN'T DO, TEACH
WHO ARE YOU?
My arms are broken,
My spine is shattered.
My knees are cracked,
My head is split,
My skull is fractured,
My heart has stopped...
And my ego is bruised!
The Man From Uncool
Oh, man, your ego's bruised?
TRAGEDY!!
