The Mega-Zine Museum
April 22, 1999
TEN TONNE TESSIE I went to London to visit the Queen, but she wasn't there so I went to check out her castle in Windsor, but she was in Korea. Advice? Go ask a Monarchist, I'm a Republican.
WHEELIE BIN All the other kids at school laugh at me and lift open my flip-top head and put their rubbish inside me. I'm developing indigestion. This is obviously a faked letter — everybody knows wheelie bins don't go to school.
PUFF Raw! Raw! Squeak, squeak.
TO MEGAZINE
When I go to bed my cat comes and sits on my shoulder and paws my hair. It's not so bad but his purring keeps me awake and he dribbles in my ear. I don't want to throw him off because I enjoy his company, but my dreams are getting very funny.
There was this one where a man came up to me and said "What's brown and sticky?" and I said I dunno and he said "A stick" and then it rained.
Woozle
Pets are for life, not just
FOR CHRISTMAS AND TRUFFLES
THE NEW BEATS
Yo Rude Boyz
I wanna rap,
but I just can't rhyme.
Not only that,
but I've also got a big problem with time... ing.
(Damn, I did it again.)
I've got big pants, a big gold chain,
I need a hoe, so I can do some gardening...
I want some cash, and a great big car,
You laugh now, but I'm gonna be a star.
(Yay, I did it!)
The Rzla
Get out of the grass, Rzla
ONLY USERS DO HUGS
THE TRUTH IS UP THERE
I've become a bit suspicious about all these conspiracy theorists who seem to be forming suspiciously well-organised groups. Is this just the government's way of getting them all together so they can keep them away from all the cool people?
No alien-spotting, JFK-obsessed, spotty conspiracy theorist worth his salt would have enough social skills to be a danger to anyone.
B-leave
You wouldn't have to be paranoid if all
THESE PEOPLE WEREN'T AFTER YOU...
ONLY THE GOOD FRY LUNGS
Alone on a misty mountain top I gazed down at the beautiful scene below me. The tranquility eased my fevered soul, and I felt the sun tingle my fingers. The stones under my feet are connected to the earth, which quivered gently as I heard a rustling behind me.
I turned round and saw an enormous triceratops looking at me with beady eyes but I knew this great beast meant me no harm.
I heard my mum shouting and I realised it was all just a dream.
The Jurassic Spark
What have I told you about eating
CHEESE BEFORE BEDTIME?
