The Mega-Zine Museum
April 9, 1999
THE BOY FROM OUTER SPACE If sanity was meant to be kept, God would have provided us with boxes to keep it in. Didn't you get one?
MISS ANGELICA Nobody sees my darkened soul as I slide into the pits of the spaghetti bowl. Talking of sliding pits I must change my deodorant.
FREAK GIRL Did you know chickens explode when you give them baking powder? Hey you lot, enough with the decapitated, fluffy Easter chicks. In my day we made Easter bonnets!
DEAR 'ZINE
Having been trapped in the bathwater overflow for 17 years, I now have three purposes in life.
- To rid Britain of cheesy pop — except Steps.
- To raise The Bill to its rightful position as king of prime-time TV
- To force the man from Currys to notice my true beauty.
The Curried Smartie
You don't want much
DO YOU?
HELLO
A Haiku. (Bless you!) Sort of...
Ahem! (throat-clearing for effect) Indecisiveness.
Have I reached life's summer or is it still spring?
What am I doing here?
Am I wasting my time?
Now I expect you all to go off and think about this and feel spiritually enlightened...
Abstract Aura
Sorry, the only thing that enlightens
ME SPIRITUALLY IS DOUGHNUTS
DEAR 'ZINE
I saw a guy as wild and beautiful as a tiger. He was as strong as Hercules and as magical as Merlin.
What is your name?
Why do you live in my dreams?
Kween Kat
Because real guys are as wild and
BEAUTIFUL AS A FLATULENT GERBIL!
BEAUTIFUL BLUE-EYED DUDE
Human beings are stupid and ignorant! I took my skateboard to school and got sneered at by the Dogs.
That's right, my punk angel! We're the Cats and the Normals are Dogs.
Dogs are dumb and get tugged around by a chain. Cats go out at night, fall asleep on top of the telly and only come home when it suits us — for food.
The Jacobean Bounty Hunter
Yeah! and we throw up giant hairballs!
Ooops... not recently of course
