The Mega-Zine Museum
March 8, 1999
RANDOM GULP Picture this, if you dare: Sour milk sitting in the sun, a leering face and an ageing builder's bum. Nice.
SNUG GIRAFFE Will someone please inform Walkers that cheese and onion crisps are GREEN! Says who? Don't knock those who dare to be different.
SOGGY NOODLE I can't remember where I live, only that it's near a cabbage plantation. I asked a man the way to Waterstones, but he laughed because it was closed. Next time, ask a policeman.
SPAGHETTI HOOPS v BAKED BEANS
Hoops have an unquestionable sense of awe which cannot be overlooked. Their elegant pale rings define the raw meaning of life itself.
But beans are better for dunking in your coffee and kindly explode when in a vacuum. Much more fun and no repair bills.
Soggy Noodle
You again! Go back to your beans
AND STOP BOTHERING ME!
'ZINERS
I was taking a walk the other day when I started chasing a butterfly.
It stopped, sat on a leaf and said "I'll rule the world from 2000 'till 3000, so if I were you I wouldn't do that."
So much for nine lives.
Kween Kat
I think you're up to your limit
IN MY DOMAIN, TOO
TO ALL THOSE NEWBIES OUT THERE
I am extremely bored with letters from new 'Ziners who waffle on about it being their debut and not knowing what to write - nobody wants to read about how you haven't got any ideas.
Actually, I'm sure that nobody wants to read about how I hate reading about people who write in saying they haven't got any ideas (Whew).
Either you've got it or you haven't. I obviously haven't.
Naff Nymph
It took you a whole page
TO REALISE THAT?
DEAREST WLW
If you print this letter I will send you my toenail clippings for the rest of the year.
Anyway, I've noticed that nobody asks you how you are feeling, so - how are you feeling today? I want to know more about you, I wanna be your friend!
Oh, sorry, I've got to go, mother's made me pins on toast again.
The Alan Fan
Okay, who gave my address to
THE FREAKY WEIRDO?
