The Mega-Zine Museum

June 26, 1997

THE EGG MEISTER felt very bored and came up with Bob Mortimer for the Broom Tribe M anagram. Trouble is he now feels very sad too. Ah...

RUSTY PARROT squawks that the sock exchange is the most unhygienic thing in the world. Why should you care? Parrots don't wear socks, bird brain.

Beware friends of VOMAGE FRAIS. He has left a big bogie (a cracker washing line) under the arm of someone's sofa. With ill-mannered friends like him, who needs enemies? Cut it out.

THE DOGGY-DOO DILEMMA

Everyone I know or knew
Has experienced dog muck
On their shoe.
How to get it off
Is life's great muddle.
A stick? A stone?
Wet grass? A puddle?
All day you walk
And not family nor friends
Do mention you smell
Like Lassie's bottom.

Myopic Melon

So you're the one whose footprint

WE SEE ENGRAVED ON DOO. WHIFFY!

ATTENTION ALL!

Foolproof way of getting on 'Zine:

1. Be interesting (no drivel's allowed)
2. Keep literary genius under 60 seconds
3. Keep writing legible and spelling reasonable (dictionaries, ahoy!)
4. Have an interesting name (the more obscure the better)
5. If all else fails, be nice to WLW. Flattery gets you everywhere, darling

Sleeping Tina

Flattery? Pardon moi, me not open

TO ANY BRIBE. IT'S NOT ME RITZ!

DEAR 'ZINE

I totally agree that Gillian Anderson isn't very nice. I don't know how Mulder has stuck with her that long. She constantly criticises him and mocks all his ideas.

Would someone tell her she's not up to much? All she does is write stupid field reports. Her clothes are tatty, her hair changes shape frequently (a real X File that) and, of course, she manages to get abducted by aliens.

David Duchovny's Wife

No. The real X File will be the day

WHEN YOU ABANDON ALL PETTY JEALOUSY!

DEAR 'ZINE

Today I have planned my life. Here is how it is going to go.

Vapour Trail

I admire guys who want to steam through

LIFE. MAKE MINE A STEAK 'N KIDNEY!

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