The Mega-Zine Museum
June 13, 1997
DIAMON DEW WILHEMINA Dear Hoochie Coochie Man, how very touching. I think I'm in love. I'd hoochie cooch with you anyday! Phew, too much smooch!
THE SURREALCHEMIST Why does the Queen bother having an "official" birthday? Who does she think she's fooling? Those who buy her presents two times round!
SAVE WOMBERS AND RODDERS CAMPAIGN We've been told to leave school this summer and find gainful employmnet. It could be our last message unless another posh school will take us for another A-level.
TO CRAZY LEMON
You're a prat too. Red is one of the colours that is least easily seen (red cars are in more accidents than any other car).
Fire engines are red = because red is danger AND FIRE!
The Oracle from Leicester
Red CAN be seen. They have more crashes
BECAUSE BOY-RACERS CHOOSE RED CARS!
DEAR WLW
I always said that the piggies were smarter than apes,
And the Spice Girls were hopeless without backing tapes,
And when Bryan Robson first went continental,
I knew Emerson would get stroppy and mental,
When I first saw the X Files I knew it was ****,
And I knew all along that Madge would crawl back.
Genius of the Restoration
It's a good ode but it seems to me,
YOU SPEND ALL YOUR DAYS ABSORBING TV
DEAR SURREAL CHEMIST
There is a very good reason why railway stations don't have bins.
See, hard as it is to believe, not everyone's as nice as we 'Ziners are. Some people like to do antisocial things like setting fire to bins or putting several pounds of Semtex in them.
So stop moaning and just eat your apple core - and the problem's solved!
Cat-Scratch Lass
Keep the doctor away and prevent a
DANGEROUS CASE OF BIN AND GONE!
TO ALL EARTHLINGS
I have been watching your little planet and I have only on thing to say - Des Lynam is an ALIEN! He wants to brainwash everyone by using his hypnotic moustache.
Tom Jones (the pelvis-thrusting god) is the only one you can trust! Don't look at Lynam's 'tache!
You have been warned by:
The Rhedd-Haired Reticulan
Lynam shmynham, Lineker's the danger!
HE NICKS YOUR CRISPS!
DEAR ZINE
It's alright for lasses but if blokes tried hugging you, we'd be arrested for sexual harassment.
Mr Floppy
