The Mega-Zine Museum
May 5, 1996
SAVOESS has a list of things to bring a smile to our faces: Wonderwoman, She-Ra, Rick Astley, Brother Beyond...
GRUNGETTA and GROUCH have proof that Grunge lives: The Presidents of the USA are from Seattle, snowboarders, mocha and chocolate milk, Courtney Love's new hair dye, Grungetta and Grouch.
TARDIS CLEANER cleans a tardis.
THE RIVERFLOW is bubbling over with enthusiasm for The Longpigs' new single with free poster to place over
your bed so it falls off in the
NIGHT AND GIVES YOU A FRIGHT
JOURNOS CALLS...
Now look here, Iron Lion.
Apart from stealing a page of the 'Zine twice a week full of your drivel, you also seek to improve your popularity standing by appearing on the Digitiser 'Hot topic'.
This over-publicity will not be stood for. Stop it at once.
YOU HAVE BEEN WARNED.
Journos
See his appearance on Digitiser at Super Page 58... click here! 
ODE TO OASIS
Don't be so big-headed, you bad little boys.
'Cos everyone's sick of your songwriting ploys.
You rip off The Beatles and write nonsense words
You're just like The Nolans, to the genius of Blur.
The Average Believer
A HELPFUL LETTER
Whenever a brainless Man Utd fan comes up to you and says how his team will beat yours, reply:
"And what part of Manchester do you come from?"
He or she will look stunned and puzzled and will walk away.
Artist Formerly Known As Gonzo
PS This will not work in Manchester.
MY TOP FIVE SINGLES OF 1996 SO FAR
- Don't Look Back In Anger - Oasis
- Slight Return - The Bluetones
- Stupid Girl - Garbage
- Something Changed - Pulp
- Ready or Not - Lightning Seeds
TOP FIVE USELESS SINGLES
- They Don't Really Care About Us
- Change Your Mind
- That other Upsidedown song
- Coming Home Now
- (Ooh Aah) Just A Little Bit
Jarvis Cocker, aged 30-summat
What about A Little More Time by
GABRIELLE? PRETTY COOL TOO
DEAR BERNARD THE MONGOOSE
I am a rabbit with a love for techno music. I was disgusted that in your letter you failed to mention guinea pigs who love rap or dogs who love rock or hippie hamsters or punk pythons.
I've seen rabbits sing Technohead, guinea pigs sing Coolio, sheepdogs sing Iron Maiden, a hamster sing The Hippy Hippy Shake and a python sing The Sex Pistols. I've NEVER heard a mongoose sing The Pharcyde.
Floyd, The Critical Rabbit
If you're quiet you'll hear the dulcet
TONES OF A MONGOOSE SINGING DROP
