The Mega-Zine Museum
April 29, 1996
THE HEADLESS WONDER is now slagging off the Eurovision Song Contest. Hey, stick to slagging off Vampires. They're the spooks, not Terry Wogan.
BERNARD THE MONGOOSE asks if music is the food of love, do rabbits listen to techno? Rabbits with attitide? Wow!
LIAM'S PLUMBER doesn't like Lord Vetnari's Firestarter comments. His comments literally went down a-blaze.
GIRL IN AN OLD BLUE VOLVO is upset about not having anything interesting
to say. Well, as they say,
BETTER LUCK NEXT TIME!
DEAR 'ZINE
I would like to make a complaint against AFKA Gonzo. This person has not only been sending very SAD letters to 'Zine, but he has also been sending letters to Digitiser (p470). What I want to know is why does he bother?
Doesn't AFKA Gonzo know how selfish he is? Most people who write in don't get them printed. Do us a favour Gonzo, stop writing and leave room for others.
The AFKA Gonzo's Guardian Angel
OI, JEAN-PAUL GEORGIAN RINGO
I shall support your bravely defiant demand for pre-surrealistic letters by giving you this lyrical gem from Terrorvision.
"The dogio and the catio
Are fighting on the patio"
Brilliant, eh? This pre-surrealism stuff is great (not). No longer will 'Zine be ever accused of being boring.
Spaghetti Prince
Inventive? Creative? Inspiring?
NO WAY. JUST PLAIN SILLY!
DEAR BRAT PRINCESS
How dare you spoil the next two weeks of my life by telling me Armand died in Memnock the Devil! You've ruined the whole book for me now.
Oh, woe is me. I'm in a serious huff with you. Next time you're kidnapped or some gothic steals your body, don't come crying to me!
Yours huffing,The Vampire Fox Louise
ODE TO SKATEBOARDS
Oh skateboard, skateboard,
How wondrous you are.
You represent my freedom,
You're much better than a car.
I adore you with pride,
Skate from midnight 'till noon,
And I know with your help
I'll soon reach the Moon!
Shifty, causing a minor threat
Wow, skateboard to the Moon.
BEAT THAT NEIL ARMSTRONG!
DEAR KIT & KAT
No! I will never help you with your evil jellyfish-saving campaign. When I was in Devon on holidays, I was almost stung by one called Neville.
Before he could make me wince in pain, Auntie hit him with her tonic bottle. This allowed me to run screaming from the sea. But then I had to endure the embarrassment of other sea-siders laughing at me.
The 'Tache
How do you know he was going to sting?
DEVON JELLYFISH ARE THE NICEST!
