The Mega-Zine Museum
April 28, 1996
PINKY & THE BRAIN demand a tribute of the consecrated cheesy type or WLW will be overthrown. Let me chew on it a while before I melt you with an answer.
KING PHOENIX claims he sat next to Henry (the legend) Kelly in 1992. What a sad claim to infamy!
HIGHBURY HEDGEHOG wants everyone to look for the multi-coloured Smartie. Try Seaman's England rainbow kit!
MR UNIMPORTANT reckons Anthea Turner will soon be appearing on every single
TV programme. Ah, heaven at last
CHANNEL ANTENNA TURNER!
DEAR 'ZINE
Why do commercial radio stations:
- Have DJs with really deep or irritating voices?
- Claim that they play the best music - then put on a record by Tina Turner, Simply Red or Wet Wet Wet?
- Never play any indie, rap, rock or jungle unless it's at No 1?
- Have a completely different chart to the official national chart?
- Play "classics" no one has ever heard?
Talula, tuning into a different station
DEAR 'ZINE
I finally have a theory on why my art piece always looks much worse the morning after the day before.
When school closes at night, pixies come out from underneath the staffroom floorboards. They skip over to my art piece and try to help by adding to it.
Unfortunately, pixies aren't known for artistry and they end up ruining it.
The Inbetweener
Maybe they just view your art in its
TRUE LIGHT AT NIGHT - RUBBISH!
DEAR NAME AND ADDRESS SUPPLIED
I know exactly how you feel. My name is Anon. I also share all my thoughts with Nick Fisher and he often prints them.
However, now that everyone recognises me, I am absolutely devastated. I will try to no longer confide in Nick, but what's the alternative?
Please help me!
Anon
DEAR LESTAT, LOUIS, ETC...
None of you are real! You are all fictional characters, so there is nothing scary about you.
I, however, am the famous snooker playing vampire, Ray Reardon, and I am very real. Just look at all the championships I've won and what about the book I wrote - Ray Reardon's Bedside Snooker Century, 1983.
Submit before I raise my mighty cue and pot you all away.
R Reardon
Get real! The only scary players are
THE HURRICANE AND THE WHIRLWIND!
DEAR 'ZINE
After the amount of cheap laughs he's endured courtesy of Frank Skinner, I feel I have to defend our Jason Lee, the Notts Forest player with the pineapple hairstyle on his head.
He wasn't bought to dribble round four men and curl it in from 25 yards - he's there for physical presence and holding the ball up. Besides, he cost 1/35th of Andy Cole's fee and he has scored two fewer goals. That's a pretty good return in my book!
Surly Hermit
And didn't he take Europe by storm?
5-1 AND YOU KNOW YOU'RE OUT!
