Mega-Zine
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February 21, 1996

GOOSE MERINGUE PIE asks all real indie people to unite and get rid of Oasis, Blur and Pulp. How popular (not)!

CHICKEN IN THE MIST wants to know why salt and vinegar crisps taste better when they're not her own. Tight!

PSYCHOPATHIC MOUSE asks, what would an orange be called if it wasn't orange? Ask the Man from Del Monte!

DIPPY says set all alarm clocks for 8.37pm tonight so we can say sorry to Savo with a minute's ringing. Noisy.

Lucky it's before the 11pm noise curfew

OR WE'D ALL BE FINED FOR SAVO!

 

DEAR 'ZINE

I bet you've been wondering where Slick Ric has been for the last 50 years.

I haven't been abducted by aliens (though you seem to think so), eaten by sharks or classified by the X-Files.

The simple (and boring) reason is that I've been writing to the wrong address for the last five months.

Slick Ric

 

WHAT TO DO WITH ALIENS IN YOUR HOUSE

  1. Shout at them to get out
  2. Advertise in the paper
  3. Lock them in your brother's room
  4. Play Take That very loudly
  5. Marry them off to your friends
  6. Set the dog on them
  7. Educate them
  8. Worst of all, set your mum on them (only do so if you never want aliens on this planet again)

Girl who bought the world

Wow, you're well prepared

DID YOU GO TO A NIGHTCLASS?!

 

DEAR 'ZINE

I am Milosevic, Savo's other half. We meet up once a week on Saturdays to play centre forward for Aston Villa.

We're not two people. Savo is my sub-conscious football talent, who spends the rest of his time in a glass jar writing letters to you - not very good ones either.

I much prefer that Antelope type. Much more interesting, if somewhat confused.

Milosevic

Savo writes letters in his spare time

WHAT DO YOU DO, TAKE DIVING LESSONS?

 

DEAR GLITTER GIRL

Advantages of being short

  1. You get away with paying child fares
  2. Most blokes are taller than you

Disadvantages of being short

  1. You look about 10
  2. You constantly have to wear heels
  3. You can't reach stuff on high shelves
  4. All jeans have to be shortened by your mum.

Funky Chicken, five feet tall

Spare a thought for your mum, shorty

LEARN HOW TO SEW YOURSELF!

 

TOP SEVEN DAYS OF THE WEEK (in no particular order)

  1. Tuesday
  2. Monday
  3. Saturday
  4. Friday
  5. Sunday
  6. Wednesday
  7. Thursday

Bolton Wanderer, with no Premiership talent for interesting writing