Mega-Zine
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February 28, 1995

TOP THINGS NOT TO DO WITH CHEWING GUM

  1. Sleep when chewing chewing gum
  2. Snog with it in your gob
  3. Sneeze
  4. Eat with chewing gum already there
  5. Attend your GCSE French/German oral
  6. Stick it under the table/behind your ear
  7. Put it on the ground after chewing
  8. Step on it when it's on the ground
  9. Put lipstick on whilst chewing
  10. Put your pen in your mouth to join the gum

Moonchild

There's not a lot you CAN do with gum

ANY SUGGESTIONS FOR OTHER USES?

 

TOP FIVE SMELLS

  1. Dave Lennon
  2. Finesse shampoo and conditioner
  3. Petrol
  4. Aniseed
  5. Pear drops

Toddy

Where would England be without

PEAR DROPS?!!

 

DEAR 'ZINE

I was thinking the other day, "Why am I here?"

Does anyone know why, because I'm quite confused. Am I just an object for my family and boyfriend to do as they please with, or do I have a purpose?

I'd really like to know the answers to the great philosophical mysteries of the world. Can anyone help me?

Star

You're certainly no object

 

DEAR MEGA-ZINE

Don't you think it's time that people accepted the fact that keeping those overgrown hamsters (Jack Russells) as pets is a health hazard to society?

I nearly tripped over one the other day and could have broken my leg. The owner told me to watch where I was going.

What am I supposed to do, carry a magnifying glass?

Miss Porkpie, A Respected Young Lady

There's a lot of danger on

THE STREETS THESE DAYS!

 

BRITS SCANDAL

No, it's not the Take That scandal, but the PJ and Duncan scandal. Was someone having a laugh when they entered them for the Best Newcomer award?

Not only do these people inflict the most atrocious noise on us but they don't even write their own songs. So how can they be called musicians?

Well done to the best bands around - Oasis and Blur.

The Indie Owl

 

A QUESTION FOR THE UNIVERSE TO PONDER

Why does Anne, from Good Morning With Anne and Nick (inventive title), have such terrible taste in maternity wear?

Come to think of it, why do I watch Good Morning With Anne and Nick?

The Musical Poet

This is a question we've often pondered

WE GUESS SHE'S PREGNANT AND PROUD

 

HELP!

Despite my amazing genius, I am unable to master the art of Magic Eye pictures.

I can get the images to appear easily, but they are backwards, ie what should pop out, goes in, and what should go in pops out quite alarmingly.

What am I doing wrong? I am sure that someone will be able to come to a gentleman's aid.

Dr Hugo Stamp, PhD