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December 16, 1994

TOP TEN CHRISTMAS DECORATIONS IN MY FORM'S FORM ROOM

  1. The paper lantern
  2. The paper chains
  3. The picture of Santa
  4. The snow spray
  5. The paper letters
  6. The Happy Christmas notice on door
  7. The Happy Xmas sign on the window
  8. The snowflakes
  9. The purple tinsel
  10. The letter-box

The Air Freshener Man

Sounds lovely

STILL WAITING FOR MY XMAS CARDS!

 

THINGS MY OLDER BROTHER NEVER IS

  1. Kind
  2. Sensible
  3. Considerate
  4. Helpful
  5. Nice

THINGS MY OLDER BROTHER ALWAYS IS

  1. Smelly
  2. Mean
  3. Greedy
  4. Obnoxious
  5. Rude and silly

Anna, Meat-eater Hater

Try swapping him

FOR A POWER RANGER PERHAPS?

 

DEAR MEGA-ZINE

I was walking down the street when I saw Elvis Presley's gran. She was on fire. I rushed into the nearest man-hole and rescued a Farleys' Rusk.

Thinking quickly I put Mrs Presley out with a bottle of cornflakes.

Well, it worked for Reeves and Mortimer. Can I have a series and squillions of pounds Mr BBC? It's a piece of cake.

Bimbo Hater, On His Own

Glad you rescued that Farleys' Rusk

 

SMASH HITS POLL WINNERS PARTY

All I can say is how the hell did Sean MaGuire win best male solo singer, and 2 Unlimited win best dance group? I voted them worst group.

Also Whigfield in the top five female singers. There must be some stupid people out there.

And Lovejoy didn't win best TV programme. It was a farce.

Ian McShane's white pants

You can put things right with

THE MEGA-ZINE POLL COMING SOON

 

DEAR MEGA-ZINE

All boy groups are killing me. Record companies foist them on us with vacuous tunes and make a fortune.

They exploit teenyboppers, brainwashing them into buying all the merchandise. They must have big paper rounds to afford it all.

Then again, I'm annoyed because I've got a face like a bag of spanners.

Wordsworth Stroud

I'm sure you're beautiful inside

 

DEAR MEGA-ZINE

Greeting cards are a strange phenomenon. We spend ridiculously inflated prices for a piece of pretty cardboard to write on, and then give them to someone else to throw away!

There must be a better way to show we care, mustn't there?

Mary Sunshine Rain, The Next Life

You can always make your own

MUCH MORE THOUGHTFUL!

 

TO THOSE WHO APPRECIATE TRUE MUSICAL TALENT

Obvious to anyone with any taste, Primal Scream are loaded with talent. Their albums Screamadelica and Give Out But Don't Give Up are unprecedented and show true struttin' talent.

Please note: they're playing The Empire, Shepherd's Bush tonight. I hope to be Movin' On down there. Call On Me, we should Come Together!

Primal Ordovician Rocks are Purple

Hope you make it to the gig

BOBBY'S THE BEST!!