The Mega-Zine Museum
December 11, 1994
TOP FIVE WORST THINGS ABOUT XMAS
- Wet magenta kisses
- Knitted presents
- Mass slaughter of innocent poultry
- Frosted pink tree in the living room
- Noel Edmonds on the telly (so what's new)
Sammii, Lapland
Xmas all year with No 5 - shame
TOP TEN FANTASY TV PRESENTERS
- News read by John Lydon
- Weather by Bjork
- Songs Of Praise with Shaun Ryder
- Snooker with Primal Scream
- Blue Peter presented by S*M*A*S*H
- Crimewatch with The Beastie Boys
- Question Time with Morrissey
- Fight Night with Oasis
- Gladiators with Suede
- Bullseye with Courtney Love
KC And The Sunshine, Banned
Inspired - TV worth watching!
A GUIDE TO TEACHER'S SAYINGS
- Do you think I like telling you off all the time? (I do, it gives me a feeling of power).
- There is a meeting in the staff-room this lunchtime, so we don't want to be disturbed. (I'm going to have a sleep at lunchtime).
- If anyone misbehaves I'm sending for the headmaster. (No I won't, because it means admitting that I can't control a class).
Head of the Teachers' Therapy Clinic
Want to be a teacher? - get therapy
ODE TO CANTONA
You glide across the football pitch
As smoothly as a swan,
And the way you wear your collars up
It really turns me on!
The papers say you're a villain
But us fans are on your side,
And when you come out at Old Trafford
All our hearts are filled with pride!
You do magic with a football
You're the best, it must be said
The master of "the beautiful game"
For me, you're Eric the Red.
Miss Cantona, 7 Collars Up City
Bless her, she loves her Dad
REPLY TO DAVID WALKER
What you consider interesting is your choice. Mega-zine is for everyone's views, no matter how trivial you consider them.
Since you're making a stand for "real issues", don't you think free speech is important?
You condemn everyone as shallow, but listing '70s music as a serious topic worthy of discussion doesn't make you look all that deep yourself.
Mary Sunshine Rain, The Next Life
Hear! Hear!
DEAR CUCKOO IN THE CITY
You are right! I sat back, relaxed my eyes and looked into the TV.
Suddenly the image of a beautiful young girl with long blonde hair appeared. I was quite taken aback, simply for the fact that it was me.
Ha ha ha heh heh he ho ho haaaa
Crazy Laughing Elm Tree
Do elm trees watch TV?
