Mega-Zine
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March 22, 1994

TOP TEN BANDS WHO OUGHT TO GET MENTIONED ON THE 'ZINE BUT NEVER DO

  1. Meat Beat Manifesto
  2. Finitribe
  3. Transglobal Underground
  4. Buffalo Tom
  5. Sven Vaeth
  6. Credit to the Nation
  7. Orbital
  8. Seam
  9. Skinny Puppy
  10. Coil

Electro the Robot, Norwich

Perhaps there's a reason for that?!

 

SINGLE REVIEW: WITHOUT YOU by MARIAH CAREY

I can't believe it. Harry Nilsson made a beautiful record called Without You. Then a villainous Mariah Carey, not content with killing her own material, commits cold-blooded murder by strangling it.

Here it lies, whinged to death in 1994. I hope people can still remember Harry's beautiful vocals instead of this mournful, moany lousy thing.

0/10

Julie, the Sabre-toothed Reviewer

Couldn't agree more!

 

DEAR 'ZINE,

Do you remember that chocolate ad
With a pop group it was so sad
They were there to win a contract
Though they had a really woeful act

In walked the executive, with a chance
Said you'll succeed - you can't sing or dance
It was so true, we did joke
'Cos we all know a sad act called Bjork

Reg Holdsworth's #1 Fan

Juese. We agreensen.

SPOT THE LINGUISTIC (UNFUNNY) GIGGLE

 

REPLY TO SARAH OF EASTLEIGH

What comes from living in Eastleigh
It causes you to be deaf or unable to see 'Cos
Bjork that little Icelandic honey
Doesn't give a toss about the money

The coverage of sweetie Bjork is fairly understated
And by a saddo minority she is loathed or hated
So Sarah, dearest, don't get on a high,
I challenge you to write back to 'Zine with your reply

The Poetry Maiden

Urgh, I feel sick! REPLY SAZZ - NOW!!!

WE LOVE POETS - EVEN BAD ONES!

 

DEAR 'ZINE,

I'm afraid I'm going to have to side with Blackadder V in his war against FPOL.

Let's face it, FPOL is just a crawler. He has to get some idiot called Mrs FPOL to fight his battles for him.

No wonder he never reveals his identity. His few followers would be pretty disappointed.

The Reptile, Sheffield

OOOOOOH! What say you, Freshie?

ANYONE WANT TO THROW A GAUNTLET??

 

ODE TO DAVID KELLY, WOLVES FC

David Kelly, a player with style.
He ain't fast,
he ain't flashy
But he beats the rest by a mile

Since he left Newcastle United,
things ain't felt the same
Despite the great team we've got
David Kelly is my hero, forever in my heart

A Geordie, Toon Army Land

Good for you. Enjoy yourself.