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September 4, 1993

ELEVEN REASONS WHY CLIFF IS THE BEST ARTIST - EVER

  1. He was the first English rock n' roll artist (1958)
  2. He plays guitar brilliantly
  3. He can truly sing and is even better live
  4. So what if he's getting on a little, he's still got talent and agility
  5. He's ace at tennis
  6. He is devoted to music - it comes before marriage and children
  7. He attracts all generations

Ooh! Cliff-HANGER! What'll she say next?

  1. He is respected by most people
  2. His concerts are civilised. Everyone's paid for talent, so they listen to him - some fans still scream, though
  3. You get value for money in concerts and fan club letters
  4. Cliff gives one tenth of his earnings to charity each year.

Kay Ford (Cliff's number one fan and proud), Southampton

Er, right. Fancy Max Bygraves, too???!

 

REVIEWING A REVIEW - U2 REVIEW by A NUMB U2 FAN, WORCS

What a review! It had everything I wanted to know about a U2 concert. In fact, on the basis of that review, U2 could probably sell out another 10m Zooropa concerts.

Then why, pray tell me, did they have to come out with that clap-trap about flaunting cynicism, hi-tech corporate electronics and unparalleled empathy?

Why not use words that the average lame brain (like me!) can understand?

Lyrical Genius, Sheffield

PS Is it original if no one has done it before - or original if it's different?

Er, um, well, you see... both, really! Yep! You certainly dealt us a winner with this one, Your Geniusness!

Any more questions? We know EVERYTHING!!!

Top idea - a reviewer reviews a review!

 

Dear Mega-zine,

Re Robbie's Boxer Shorts, Suffolk, August 23 - how very intelligent... NOT!

I'm a heavy metal fan and I'm sick to death of the insults we're subject to. I've not got a sad haircut, though what that has to do with music bewilders me.

Why can't self-opinionated people keep their "reasons why" to themselves and just accept that not all music is to everyone's taste. I wouldn't be seen dead at a TT concert!

C Ashton, Manc'er

Or in Robbie's boxer shorts - urghh!

 

ALBUM REVIEW - TEN by PEARL JAM

Agreed, this isn't a new and Pearl Jam's second album is due out soon. But there are some unenlightened souls out there who haven't discovered the brilliance that is Pearl Jam!

From the grinding rock of Porch and Garden to the subtle sweetness of oceans, TEN submerges the listener in 50 minutes of pure class - even the sleeve notes are a work of art!

Certain songs stand out such as Jeremy, about a 12-year-old boy who committed suicide in his classroom and Black - a tale of lost love.

All the songs benefit from the voice and lyrics of Eddie Vedder and the brilliant musicianship of all the band.

More can be seen of various group members on albums by Temple of the Dog, Mother LoveBone and the Singles soundtrack.

All definitely worth a look!

Jeremy's Friend, Ignoreland

Doesn't Weiland look like Eddie Vedder!

We won't ignore you, matey! Write again!

 

TOP TEN FAVOURITE PARTS OF ANATOMY

  1. Eyebrows
  2. Fingernails
  3. Second toe on right foot
  4. Earlobes
  5. Iris of eye
  6. Palm of left hand
  7. Small bumpy ligament behind shoulder
  8. Bottom
  9. Both nostrils
  10. Tickly bit under arm that isn't armpit.

Kennedy, Crawley, W Sussex

WRITTEN ON V.V. SMART ORANGE PAPER, TOO

You're one sick puppy, Ken!

 

ALBUM REVIEW - LEVELLERS by THE LEVELLERS

After waiting what seemed like an eternity for this release, there were obviously great expectations for the album and it certainly does not disappoint.

However, the Levellers have not kept to their traditional, almost "folky" style they've progressed to a harder, more raw sound, verging on punk.

The opening track Warning immediately grabs the listener's attention, its intro being the harrowing sound of an air-raid siren. Their common theme, war.

This Garden is a completely new sound for The Levellers, their first and only track with female backing vocals.

It has a really catchy chorus and is definitely the high point of the album.

The Player and The Likes of You and I are more reminiscent of the recognised Levellers' style.

Dirty Davey is the only track not written by the Levellers and like The Devil Went Down to Georgia is a musical tale, perhaps slightly pretentious, but nevertheless excellent.

This album is a definite must for fans of good music.

Juno, Enchanting Mistress of Rhythm, Notts

AHEM! We eat letters that are too long!

Enchanting, mesmerising er, GREAT STUFF

Y'ALL COME BACK 2MORROW, FOLKS!!!