Mega-Zine
Icon

August 16, 1993

NINE REASONS WHY MEGA-ZINE RARELY PRINTS WHAT WE SEND IN THESE DAYS

  1. It's got commercial and panders to Take That and East 17 fans
  2. Our reviews are getting worse
  3. We keep slagging off Icabod
  4. We keep complimenting Momtaz (CUD!)
  5. Nobody else has heard of Finikity or Sweet Release
  6. Or Shapes or the Sons of Merve
  7. It doesn't like our music tastes
  8. We whinge about Real World Studios
  9. We only get on cos no one else wrote!

Stew Ion, Wiltshire

How could you think we didn't love you?

GET ON AIR LIKE SHIRTY STEW ION

 

A DAY IN THE LIFE OF TAKE THAT

7amWake up and drink two litres of orange juice to flush out the toxins and keep their skin looking baby smooth
8amGreet the man employed to pump up their muscle-toned bodies
9.59amTime for Gary to reflect and write a soul searching tune
10amRecord the new song with the help of some helium gas.
11amGo to a record shop somewhere and lovingly sign hundreds of albums for disillusioned girls
1pmHave a lunch of fish and chips then watch football for a couple of hours because they're still normal lads and fame hasn't affected them
4pmGo for afternoon tea with their mums cos despite being hip, stripping sex symbols, they still love their mums
7pmTune in for Top of the Pops. Mark threatens to pull down his trousers, Howard shows off his pierced nipple, Robbie pouts, Jason struts and Gary tries to look sincere
9pm"Early to bed, early to rise" - that's the boys' motto. They wipe off their smiles carefully with Animal Cruelty-Free cleansing milk.

Phew! What an exciting day! But really, why are they so famous anyway??!

Emma M, Dorset

OOH, BLIMEY - ISN'T THIS SCATHING?!

ON YA, EM! ANYONE ELSE YOU WANT TO BAG?

 

AND NOW, A WORD FROM... ER... ATILLA

Indie music is yelping, barking hogwash. Realise that it is dung. Be enlightened.

Sadly, truth is a cow that no longer yields milk to the ignorant, so you have gone to milk the viper.

"Music is the tops" you say, but scum rises to the top as well as cream.

Atilla The Hen, Darlaston

HEH-HEH! WHAT'S ATILLA ON??!!!

ANY MORE WORDS OF WISDOM OUT THERE?

 

"MUSIC LOVERS ARE FOOLS" - SLASHBACK!

  1. Music is the best sound ever invented
  2. Music is great cos, like, it can get you in or out of certain moods or is just fun!
  3. There's loads of different kinds of music - most of which are excellent *
  4. And instruments which you can do, like, amazing stuff with
  5. Proverbs are stupid anyway - no one understands them.

So, Mrs Tiggywinkle go home and watch your Eldorado vids!

Fresh Prince of Luton (#1 music lover)

* Rap and rave being my personal faves

SPEAK YOUR MIND, O FRESH ONE!

CARE TO REPLY, MRS TIG?

 

TOP TEN WRESTLERS

  1. Brett "Hitman" Hart
  2. Mr Perfect
  3. Marty Janetty
  4. "The Rocket" Owen Hart
  5. Crush
  6. Macho Man Randy Savage
  7. Brutus "The Barber" Beefcake
  8. Undertaker
  9. Tatanka
  10. "Hacksaw" Jim Duggan

Amanda Lee, Age 14

RANDY SAVAGE??? CRIKEY - WHAT A BELTER!